The Many Faces of 26.2

It's been just over a week since I completed the 2014 Dublin Marathon. That day, I thought to myself 'I have so much to write about...' And then as each day passed, I felt all the thoughts, emotions and lessons that would make a great race report and blog post start to fade. So I'm going to dig for all that and still try.

There are these people. And then there are these people. I am not sure if this post is for the people who have no idea why others train for long distances and may or may not care, the ones who think it's about bragging (like bitter 13.1 sticker man...sad, sad man), people who might be intrigued by how it can change you or for those people who know exactly what it's like. But I had a friend suggest I blog about this seemingly emotional event, so even if it's just for you and me, friend, I'm ok with that. I don't want to forget this one. 

In the 6 marathons I've registered for, I don't think I had ever registered for one 10 months before the event. WHY would I do that?? I later wondered. We had just moved to the UK and I was eager to get back to marathon training after over a year and apparently really EAGER to make that official. A marathon in Dublin? Nothing about that sounded like it could be bad.

And then my 10-month struggle to adjust to running on the local terrain began. Some of you already know, or have at least tried to understand my whining, about why I kind of stopped enjoying it. You don't really need to know the details....just that I hated it. I was the most out of shape I had been in....as long as I could remember, and I'm pretty sure my mindset was too negative from the beginning. Once I realized I did not have the perfect Kansas running conditions I was used to, I guess I decided it was my way or no way. This was going to suck.

I had ups and downs, periods when I felt motivated to get back on the training track before derailing again. Just hang on to whatever fitness I'd acquired so far, but not drastically improve my endurance and definitely not speed. And certainly not any kind of combination of the two.

I knew from all of my previous marathon training that this was not good. Up until this point, I had improved during every marathon. I had learned a lot training for each one, and then quite a bit during the race as well. In my opinion, for me personally, I had smoked the Marine Corps Marathon in October 2012. But I also knew how hard I had trained. And I was nowhere near that level this time. I told myself Just Do It, but it wasn't working. I basically just accepted my motivation problems but also felt bad. I was even letting my I Run 4 buddy, Kaden, down.

As the marathon approached, I was counting the days until it was over. That is no way to feel about a race that takes several hours. I was bummed I had to give up the BQ goal, and even more bummed I wasn't even sure about breaking 4 hours. For me personally, it felt like there was no reason to run another marathon unless I at least had the chance to improve my time. Shit happens on race day, but insufficient prep and training feels like failing. Hence, just wanting to get this whole experience over with.

But I'm also experienced enough as a runner (and maybe wise enough at 29) to realize that was not a good way to approach the whole thing. Things hadn't gone the way I wanted, but there were several things to focus on. I'm always thankful for my ability to run, and then to be able to travel to Ireland to participate in a marathon through a beautiful city? Heck yes. I even thought about walking it with a Camelbak of Guinness, but that really seemed like taking the easy way out.

The night before the race, I was lying in bed flipping through the program. I read through a section titled "20 Tips for the Road" by Conor O'Hagan. Number 19 read: Have a Plan B. There may come a point where you realize your target has slipped away from you....by having a secondary target - perhaps 30 minutes slower- you could keep the motivation you need to press on..."

I wasn't even sure what my target was at that point, so I knew I needed to be flexible no matter what I decided. Ultimately breaking 4 hours was still my goal, but when sharing my doubts with a friend before the race, he said "you'll at least break 4:30."

A little play-by-play:

Like an idiot, I started with the 3:50 pace group. I knew it was a stretch at the time, but looking back, it was actually....stupid. 4:00 would have been more reasonable, but now I know not to let the race day adrenaline get the best of me and override simple logic and numbers that make sense based on my training.

I started out at an 8:35 pace. Also not appropriate. I watched the 3:50 pacers run past me at I think mile 5 or 6. Plan B set in, because who was I kidding anyway?

Mentally, I was already telling myself to just keep a good pace through the half. Beat 2 hours and you're still a star!

False logic, really, if I wanted to be able to actually run the whole thing. Though I'm still not sure that if I had slowed down my pace then that I would have made it longer before walking/running. I knew what was missing in my training was time on my feet (running).

I pushed out the half in 1:59:34.

I broke down mentally. I texted during a race, for the first time ever. I told Dave I didn't know if I would finish....I never even thought that during my first marathon. My thoughts were toxic, but I was in pain and couldn't imagine running the rest or being on my feet for the time it would take to walk the rest. He sent me some love and I kept going.

At mile 15.17, I was walking. I was at a low, mostly mentally but obviously physically. A man ran up behind me, put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye and said "let's go." It broke my little freaking running heart. I don't know why. Don't get me wrong, the crowd was loud and there was a lot of support in general. But I had walked by a lot of spectators and a lot of people had run by me...this guy noticed. I don't know if he picked me or if he picked all the walkers but I felt the strong support of a fellow runner. I realized he knew my pain and knew I could overcome it.

I realized the power of running with others. If only I had gotten a training buddy for this marathon...most people do. I just enjoy running alone. Until I'm totally unmotivated, and then maybe it's not so good. Duh. 

I had to pee for several miles....that has never happened before (because I'm a sweat MACHINE) and threw me off as well. I waited 2 minutes for a port-a-john at mile 17 and after that decided it was time to get on with it. At 19 miles I saw my buddy again, walking. I realized it was him as I passed, turned and ran back to him and told him I remembered him. We exchanged some encouraging words.

I probably walked more than I needed to, but at that point I wasn't racing for a time, really. I was and I wasn't. I was doing a lot of thinking while I walked....a lot of reflecting about how this all made me feel.

I was not satisfied, but I was also not beating myself up. I realized I really, really missed the feeling I had during the Marine Corps Marathon. When I was in such good shape that I fully embraced all the pain, mentally and physically. I could push so hard during the race because I was prepared and I loved that. I almost passed out after because even though I had taken a lot of fuel during the race, I had obviously left everything I had out there. I thought a lot about how I missed running that hard and missed the good kind of pain.

I wasn't enjoying the unprepared kind of pain.

I'm convinced I would have kept hating running until I was disappointed in a race.

I guess I still need to figure out a way to enjoy training where I am, but I either figure that out or stop running marathons, and that is not what I want.

That is what I learned.   

I was fighting tears for a couple hours afterward. I don't know why I was fighting them, they were good. I felt alive again. 

When talking about the race with a friend a couple days later, and still comparing it to "my last marathon," he said "You were a different person then..."

How true is that? Are we ever the same people we were 2 years ago? Probably not. So I finished 32 minutes slower but learned a lot about my passions, how mentally tough (or not tough) I am, what I want to get out of my races, how to adjust goals and the value of fellow runners. I've always known the value of volunteers but I felt a new level of appreciation for them that day. Last time all I learned was that proper training pays off, and I already knew that ;-) And hey, at least I beat 4:30 according to my old running buddy's prediction. It's like he knows me.

I've had a 26.2 magnet for a few years now. It's on the side of my fridge & reminds me of the journeys I've taken to push my body's limits. It holds up my current training plans. I could put it on my car. It doesn't really matter. That's really all I have to say about the magnet. It's not about the magnets or the stickers. 

We take on these challenges to become stronger & learn more about ourselves. I wish everyone knew & appreciated the joy in finding something so challenging, painful and wonderful that makes you grow, so if you don't have something in your life that does for you, find it.  And don't ever give up, fellow runners. 

Optimistic, happy, sad, in pain, happy (again!), 
determined, exhausted, proud. 
When is the next marathon?

London, Baby!

So I always say 'London, Baby!' because of Joey on Friends. But apparently there is actually a site, the London Baby, for babies in London. While I'm here, providing my thoughts & info...there ya go.

After Ely, the place I've been to most in England/Europe is London. Why not actually start blogging about my experiences and start with the first place we visited when we moved here. Until I actually start a glamorous travel blog, I will catch up here. Travel week on the blog.

Ahhh, London. I think I'm in love. But can we just hook up on weekends? I like living in a small town.

I've now been 6 times and each time I got a little more comfortable. After the first trip, I knew not to hit a local commuter in the knee with your gigantic touristy suitcase when getting on the tube, even if it WAS an accident. *If looks could kill.* Hey, that's part of the deal when you're in a big city on the subway. So the next time, I was a little more calm, cool and collected. NBD. 

Since then, I've mostly observed that your time on the tube can be quite entertaining and most people are pretty nice. By the third or fourth trip, I knew that the Piccadilly line was my favorite line to ride, for the location of the stops but ALSO to hear "this is a Piccadilly line to Cockfosters." With the accent.  Even though I don't get it, I learned that "Gloucester" is actually pronounced "Glouster." I learned that at the expense of getting laughed at by the Ely train station ticket lady who couldn't figure out where I wanted to go until I finally spelled it. That is just an example of many words I don't know how to say. But with each trip, this huge city stopped feeling so huge. The tube is easy and there is SO much food to eat. And after 2 shows (Phantom of the Opera and The Commitments), I want to see them all.

Our second trip to London was about 5 months after we moved here, and even by then it sort of felt like home a little bit. You know me...I have many homes. But when I'm there, I kind of feel like I could be in any big city (except, of course, there is the unique AWESOMENESS of London). And that means I could be in the U.S. Or anywhere. Very international. But it felt less overwhelming than the first trip, and more like a camouflage blanket wrapped around me :) I didn't stand out as an American like in our little town of Ely. Don't get me wrong, plenty of love for Ely, but ya know sometimes just blending in without effort is nice, ha. 

Some favorite attractions/areas:
Churchill War Rooms: How is it not cool to check out a wartime bunker and the areas where people worked while bombs hit London above?

Westminster Abbey: Did you know that Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Charles Dickens and C.S. Lewis are buried there? Among loads of other famous and/or cool people. 
 

Hyde Park: So much peaceful space. So much space to run!

 

Favorite food:
The variety of food in London is amazing! There are plenty of traditional pubs EVERYWHERE in England so when I find myself in London I tend to want to get my hands on some other stuff. However, we have eaten at a few pubs there and this one was great!

Buckingham Arms

Tortilla: Dave and I found this place on Trafalgar Square during our first trip to London. We were sort of scoping out Chipotle but getting all turned around even Rick Steves was not helping. Yelp pointed us in the right direction on this one and we've gone back twice since. Seriously made me forget about Chipotle.

California-style burrito and a Sierra Nevada. Cowabunga?!

La Polenteria: Narrowed in on this one while searching for Gluten-free options with a friend. Like Polenta? Yum. All I gotta say.

Honest Burger: Not sure what to say except....maybe my favorite burger ever. At least top 3.  And the rosemary salted chips. Couldn't stop, didn't stop.

Feast your eyes on that special.

Serpentine Bar & Kitchen:  People can get a pizza or burger anywhere, okay? They come to Serpentine for the ambiance :) Beautiful spot to eat high quality food in Hyde Park.

So there is my quick wrap of my mouth-watering feelings on London. Love walking around, love the vibe. Here is a collection of my touristy London photos thus far. This love affair...TBC.  

Can't forget Big Ben (fun fact: the tower is known as the Elizabeth Tower; Big Ben is the clock)
 

Happy Fourth of July!

Was reminiscing about the last several Fourth of July holidays. Our tradition of running & shooting guns, fireworks with our friends in Florida and Teddy always hiding from the fireworks for a week straight. Fortunately last year, cousin Huck was there to protect him, and I'm sure he won't miss the noise for the next 3 years, haha. Happy Fourth of July to everyone back in the States and abroad! We'll be spending the evening at our friend's BBQ with Americans...and Brits :)

These people already wrote my book. Running the Edge.

I love writing. And running is a huge part of who I am. So, I've naturally thought about writing a book about running. Because while I know that not everyone loves to run, deep down I believe that running can change most people. Including many people who believe or claim that "they can not run."

That statement frustrates me. It hits a nerve. 

I want to tell everyone that they can run. Anyone can run. Ironically, I am part of a program where I am matched with someone who really can't run. At least at this point in his life. He has a medical condition that limits his ability to run. I have faith that he will eventually grow strong enough to run, but for now I run for him. Many people have limitations that don't allow them to run. But if you are overall physically healthy and have the ability to move your legs at whatever pace you want, you can run. The pain of running does not mean that you can't run.

Well, before I go too far, it turns out there is already a book out there that is basically what I would write, and more, if I were to write a book about running. It's called "Running the Edge" by Adam Goucher and Tim Catalano. I am only about 1/4 of the way through this book but I think I've almost highlighted every word or quote in my Kindle. I find myself constantly yelling "YES!" out loud as I read it. Needless to say, I think you should add it to your reading list ;-) Of course I'm yelling 'YES!' because I can relate. But also because I want more people to experience the joy.

Without copying and pasting every quote I've highlighted in the book so far, really it's about the journey that running takes you and your body on, and how it affects the other stories of your life. Adam and Tim break those other stories down into education, career, family, friendships, and passions.

Yes it hurts like hell when you first start. I would say that is true for most runners. I've been running since 6th or 7th grade (translation/conversion- for about 16 years now), but it hurt in an un-enjoyable way basically until I was in college. Maybe that means I'm not the most naturally gifted runner or I didn't know how to accept the pain and push myself through those years, but I eventually got to the point where I felt freedom. A release as I ran. I knew my body and it felt natural to push it.  And ever since then, it's been getting better and better (of course, proper running form is important...I'm more than happy to help or answer any questions about that :). More enjoyable. Now, I can't imagine my life without it. And that is slightly terrifying. I don't take my health or legs for granted. 

But it did take me years. And that is why I get so 'frustrated' when people say they can't run. You can. You can go through the pain like so many of us have. And you will experience euphoria if you just stick with it. That doesn't mean you want to, but that is a different issue. Do not say you can't. Running is as natural an activity as....walking. Except the challenge of it gives you so much more.

"...after your runs, as you count the new blisters on your feet, you feel as if you've been hit by a truck. The conventional wisdom that running is not fun seems truer than ever. "How can people do this for fun?" begs a painfully obvious answer. They can't! But if you continue to run and resist all common sense and logic to quit, one day, something magical happens. One day, while on a run, you notice that running does not hurt. Not only does it not hurt, but it feels natural and easy. Your legs feel powerful and strong. Your breath, heartbeat, and muscles have found a rhythm and harmony working together in perfect balance. You get a sense that this is what humans were meant to do, and you feel a connection to your primitive ancestors, as if you have discovered what you were always meant to be."

That is what this book is about. Oh I love it. That is exactly what I felt. About 5 years after I started running.  

"Runners are not being chased: They are chasing. They are chasing faster times, longer distances, and a blissful peace of mind. They line up in the same place and pay money to chase finish lines anywhere between one and one hundred miles away. Runners are in constant pursuit of personal goals, trying to discover their maximum potential. Running is an active crusade of self improvement. As runners carve away layer after layer of the unnecessary and replace them with the essential, they know for certain that they are not running away from anything. They are chasing who they can become."  - Running the Edge

This book is interactive and I've started my own workbook. It's about reflecting on your strengths and weaknesses and becoming a better you, through running, or your personal-interest life story.

You can run. And it will be awesome. I promise. 

Rowing Regatta Rookies

regatta

rɪˈgatə/

noun

noun: regatta; plural noun: regattas

1. a sporting event consisting of a series of boat or yacht races 
   
   (per Google)
   
   
   I asked some of my teammates if they knew what "regatta" actually meant as we were standing around waiting to race at our first "regatta." Does it mean "race?" No one knew. We are so new. 
   
   Eventually we will know what we are doing, but for this regatta (held in St. Ives), me and my fellow "Learn to Row" teammates entered into an "Explore Rowing" event held at lunchtime. We gathered....it's basically intended to be lunchtime entertainment for the real rowers. 
   
   Our coach Teresa told us about 4 weeks ago that we had our first "race" on 21 June. We all laughed.....doesn't the course end 7 June? :) It was far enough away that I ignored the fact that I was still trying to stroke and not fall out of the boat at the same time. 
   
   So Saturday rolled around. Beautiful sunny day on the river. None of us has been in a quad. None of us had rowed together. Not once. But our names were drawn out of a hat to create 2 teams of 4, and we got in the boat when they called us up and we rowed. Regardless of what happened in the water, it was warm, sunny, fun and there was really good food and drink available. It was fun hanging out with each other outside of Saturday practice & observing the rowing community in action.
   
   Our competition was clearly not as "new," being fairly coordinated and having matching uniforms (too legit). So, we did not win. But we rowed for 200 meters, together, and didn't capsize.  We weren't THAT far behind, and they showed excellent sportsmanship as we crossed the finish line as they hooted and hollered at us. 
   
   Now that the class is over and we are all joining the club for the rest of the season, I'm looking forward to actually working on communication in the boat and coordinating strokes. It was obvious to most of us that was lacking going into the race, but we went with it and were good sports. The competitive edge will come. And more regattas! Now that I know what that means. It means rowing, fun, good people and maybe a beer and good sausage (not a Bratwurst...Bratwurst is German, Dave was told when he ordered for me). 
   
   
   

   

   Click to Enlarge. We're still super tiny. 

   
   

   
   

   Photo & food delivery credits: Dave!
   

Pure Michigan vs. Ely. There is room for both.

We've been in England for 6 months now. It is our new home. Current home? I don't know. What does home mean? :)

Several weeks ago in the midst of Spring, while some Summer temps started creeping in, I was walking to the grocery store in the evening and got a whiff of burning wood....like a campfire....where?! Where is it coming from?! Waves of sadness and nostalgia for Pure Michigan came over me...I swear I almost shed a tear.

For the most part, there is just too much to enjoy here to worry about not being there. But you can't escape the feelings that a campfire brings to the surface :) 

When I first wrote about our new home, we were definitely still the new Americans in town. We were sort of recognized at some of the places we frequented, but overall....I still felt like as much as I wanted to experience it, I just as badly wanted to get in and get out of places before I stood out too much. Before they knew!

But everyone is just so friendly here, that I started feeling more comfortable dropping the anxiety that my American accent gave me. When they realize you are an American (*gasp*), they just want to talk, hear your stories and welcome you. I have to say I love living in the country of our closest allies....where we have plenty of similarities and differences to discuss.

I decided to be more talkative and engage more in conversation when I was out and about. And what happened next was.....well, I turned into a Chatty Cathy. 

One particularly epic day, I chatted with the owner of the local chocolate shop about her haircut. I went back later that day and bought some marzipan and chocolate so I wasn't just known as the girl who used her for haircut advice :) I chatted with the gentleman at Mountain Hardware.....just about the weather, but still. And I really chatted up the ladies at the new delicatessen in town about cheese recommendations and all of their tasty-looking products. It was so much more fun being socially normal :)  The next day I talked to the kid working the checkout at Sainsbury's (my grocery store....that I'm in basically every day) about his studies at Cambridge & his Easter holiday.  I had no shame in asking him to help me out when he started using educational terms foreign to me....help out the American, I don't know what you're talking about. 

One day, I left my keys in the door...outside. They had been there a few hours before a nice lady knocked on the door and told me....I know, I'm lucky. But at the same time, I'm not surprised. We feel like we live in a very safe place. A couple weeks later, I was walking down the street back home and had the opportunity to inform someone about THEIR keys in the door.

This all probably sounds silly and miniscule. But, as each day and each week passed, I felt more and more at home.

By the time we were showing all of our visitors our favorite places to eat and drink in town in May, it felt so nice that we were known and greeted with such a friendly welcome everywhere we went. I've never felt such a strong sense of community anywhere I've lived (ok except maybe specifically on Zachary Dr. in Kansas:). I'm already sad for when we leave. 

A little over a week ago, we were at Peacock's  (the local "famous" tearoom across the street) with Dave's Mom and Step dad. As our normal server, who is from France, was inquiring about where they are from in the states, we learned that he really wants to visit Detroit. Yes, you read correctly.  A guy from France who lives in the UK really wants to visit Detroit. He is into photography, and has an interest in capturing the state of a place that is desperately holding onto its roots and trying to recover. He is interested in capturing the beauty of the Motor City. It's A Small World started playing in my head. I was very fascinated with his fascination and found it refreshing that he saw more than what the media portrays. It made me wonder what people over here see/hear about Detroit, and what made him seek out the deeper story. More to talk about next time. I have nothing but fond memories of visiting Detroit as a child, adolescent and adult...Tigers games, Red Wings games (um, also, Stanley Cup parades), Greektown, shows at the Fox Theater, the 4th of July fireworks, SEVERAL auto shows with my family...but can't say I always have the patience or willpower to defend it against people who only see one side of things: its current state, without looking at any of the history about why it was so important to the U.S. and what went wrong. It inspired me to watch the Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown Detroit episode again.

So, here is my opportunity to tell you that the full episode is on Netflix and you should watch it, without shoving it in your face.  It doesn't go into the corruption of leadership over the years, but that is nicely summarized in plenty of articles on the web.

Here is a preview.

So, 2 of my many worlds collided that day.  I have several experiences and travels to write about since we've been here, but I guess I first had to mention the French guy who wants to visit Detroit.

This week, I also have my last 2 of 10 sessions for my Learn to Row course with the Isle of Ely Rowing Club.  It has been an awesome experience learning the sport, getting to know the locals who run the club and meeting other new rowers. I can't wait to join the club and look forward to Saturdays on the water. Fun fact: The first recorded races at the University of Cambridge were in 1827. The Detroit Boat Club was founded in 1839 and is the oldest continuously-operated rowing club in the U.S. Just a little something I learned while reading about the history of rowing. 

One of the many beautiful Saturdays I've had for rowing on the River Great Ouse

Last week, I realized that I now have little fear of the roads and the roundabouts. I decided at that point that it's official. I'm totally integrated. Home is on the left side of the road for now.

However, my mate who is from England just recently corrected me.....it's Beans ON Toast, not Beans and Toast. What is beans on toast, you ask? It's a British thing (or English thing?), and it's amazing, and it's exactly what it sounds like....I make sure to include mature British cheddar.  Wikipedia tells me it is also a British folk singer who sings about sex, drugs and politics. I still have so much to learn, but I'm proud to add Ely to my list of homes. 

It doesn't look like much....I know. Trust.

You have to use these beans.

I Have to Get Lost

I thought about the days I had handed over to a bottle... the nights I can't remember... the mornings I slept thru... all the time spent running from myself.

– Mitch Albom (For One More Day)

Saw this post/caption on my FB feed early this morning. I follow a lot of running-related FB pages so they are always in my face. Sometimes they inspire me, sometimes I disagree with them...but they always make me think.

When I'm out running, I like to get lost. 

Not geographically, but in my own thoughts. I do like the feeling of running, because it makes me love the feeling of living.

I have struggled with my running a little since we've gotten to the UK. 

If I take the 15 mile cracked-up, uneven bike trail toward Cambridge (which in theory sounds like the perfect way to get miles in along the river) and all I'm focused on is not rolling my ankle and how much my knee will hurt later, I can't get lost. 

If I'm running through the small, quaint streets of Ely and constantly trying not to get hit by a car at every driveway and hidden turn, and I'm just focusing on survival, I can't get lost. 

How do people run here?  They don't even have a track to fall back on...makes me realize how fortunate I was growing up where I did in the states with a track available to use at the middle school, the high school, multiple at U of M and every city I lived in after.

I'm not complaining. There are just unique challenges here. The man at the butcher shop understands. We somehow got on the topic of running the first time I went in a couple weeks ago. He lives in a village/town about 7 miles away and runs on the roads there; he acknowledged its difficult to run here. Thank you!  I was thinking "ahhh, country roads. I miss those Kansas country roads..." He remembered me when I went back in yesterday and asked me how my running is going. I told him about the same.....struggling to get in the groove. I have explored a few new places but not found the openness I need. And then I asked him if running on the roads is common here, or the norm (novel idea-ask a local). It's not that I hadn't thought about going outside of Ely and hopping on the road, but I guess I just wasn't sure "how things work here." He reassured me that it was, so I guess it's time to buy a bright orange reflective running suit and try it out :) I think part of my hesitation is that there is usually not a ginormous shoulder next to the roads here....just nothing or, even better, a deep ditch. So back home I was usually ok with risking an occasional clueless driver because I could just dive, but now.....

Numerous people have pointed out there is a running club, which I knew about quite a while ago because I'm always curious about what kind of running community there is in a city or town.
I thought about joining, but considering that I love to run alone for the most part, I haven't checked it out yet. Wasn't sure about showing up, using them for their information/running routes and then never showing up again. I guess since the butcher understands my runner problems, there is always him, ha! We ran into one of Dave's friends last weekend at a market in another town and he was also commiserating with my trouble getting into the groove...the groove is critical to the run.  

The scenery here is beautiful. The butcher (really, I should ask him his name before its months down the road and I'm still calling him 'the butcher') told me about another area along the river yesterday that I am going to explore tomorrow.  Not super close, but it sounds like a scenic area where I can log some good miles. 

When I run, I think about life. I listen to my heart. Heart rate, but also what its saying. I have ups and downs physically and mentally and I push through boundaries. I clear my head.

It can't be about cars. Or rolling my ankle. Or running into people. So yes, I'm kind of particular about my running.

In Kansas, I was able to throw on my shoes, run out the door and disappear into the countryside within minutes. Of course those roads got kind of old after 4.5 years, which is why it's fun to move :) I miss them, but I will find my roads here.   

My shoes are waiting for me to get my groove back. They are waiting for me to get lost.

Military (dog) Brats

Every time we move, we get to experience so many new things. There is stress that comes with moving, but we know what is going on, of course. We can choose to focus on the positive things, plan a trip to an exciting place. Run to relieve stress. The dogs get all sorts of new experiences as well, but unfortunately, I don't think they have the same appreciation for world travel. They want routine, stability, food, water, treats, a wide open field to run, a ball, and maybe a body of water to fetch sticks.  Well, from what I've observed, that is all my dogs need to be happy and content. Ellie will take some beautiful snow-covered mountains if she can get them, but they are not critical to her happiness. They rely on us to make adjustments and the fine tuning to make their new life seem normal. 

22 March 2014. Teddy running free along the River Great Ouse :)

The following is somewhat of a play-by-play of my life with the dogs. But as I take on the challenge of training myself and rehabilitating my dogs (have to agree with Cesar on that one), maybe some of the insight into my own challenges and lessons will be useful to some of my fellow dog owners. Notice nowhere in that sentence did I use the word advice.....I'm in no position to call it that.

About a month ago in the midst of feeling frustrated that the dogs seemed uneasy and we were not in any kind of a routine, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not happy or content when I don't exercise, so why do I think the dogs would be? I KNOW they need it, and I always try to get them exercise. But what I had to accept was that if they are uneasy because they haven't gotten their exercise for the day, I can't be too frustrated or shocked that we aren't making huge strides with everything else related to their behavior.

At least exercise is one stress-reliever we have in common.

Taking a step back and looking at the situation, I acknowledged a few things that I had not in the midst of my own stress during the first couple months being here. The dogs are not only simply in a new environment in England, it is one that requires them to make adjustments to the lifestyle they are used to. Their immediate surroundings at home are louder; there is more foot traffic in front of and behind the house. When people are talking while they walk in front of our house, it kind of sounds like they might be IN the house sometimes. This is way closer to city life than Derby, Kansas.

In the states, we focused on walking them on a leash in neighborhoods or around town (for the most part) and letting them run free at fenced-in dog parks. Here, they need to learn to run free in open areas without fences next to walking paths.....sort of like, open dog park meets city.  So basically, run free without running in front of and tripping old people. This was kind of a stressful thing for me to face when we got here....because to them running is running, but I don't want to get sued.  

Fortunately, they do have experience with running off leash on trails and footpaths in uncrowded areas...which is more common here. And the most ideal. So they and their humans are comfortable with this situation :) 

Teddy has particularly struggled with walking around the area where we live with people everywhere (on weekends mostly, but at some times during the week), loud trains every 15 minutes (it doesn't help that it seems every time we are walking under the track one goes over us...). It just isn't the quiet environment he had grown used to in Georgia and Kansas. I've learned that when he is in wide open spaces here, he is ok with strangers and whatever. But when he can't see & when we're approaching tight corners/turns, he is very uneasy. This is very relevant to how I have to approach everything with him. He is very sensitive.  

This was the first step...taming my expectations of a flawless transition.

A few weeks ago I bought a journal to document our training- our goals, struggles and successes- as a way to capture the process of acclimating the dogs to England and facing this challenge head-on, hence some of the dates and observations below. I'm also doing a lot more reading and studying dog behavior.

On a rainy 12 Feb while we were hanging out inside most of the day, I decided it was time to start channeling my energy and frustration with the dogs in more positive ways. We worked on some agility training with a kitchen table chair. Just over and under. I saw Teddy's tail wag more than it had in quite a while, and by the end Ellie was like "ok these tricks are too easy," but they both had fun. It made me happy. Once I made the decision to have a positive, fun, stress-free session with them, it just happened. 

Around that time, I also decided that as I'm working on their behavior and training, I will focus on the areas they excel in now, even if this means we take a step back from the level I believe they once were.

I noticed Ellie was doing well at the park in the open field. I was taking them there a lot to play with the Chuck it. She listens to "come" if I decide I need to stop her from sprinting toward a new person in the area. Teddy does a little better running/jogging on leash; not as good as he used to but as long as we're not in a busy area with "scary" noises, running on leash is a good way to get him some of the exercise he needs while working on old commands. With a lot of people around, he hasn't been following commands very well (I think because of his anxiety, some fear and some insecurity) so we need to get back to the basics with a little less distraction.  

28 Feb- This was not a dog day. It was rainy and I got into a cleaning and organizing mode. I got a lot done just focusing on that, instead of worrying about accomplishing a bunch of different things. Too often I make a list of 20 things for 1 day and don't get much done, feeling overwhelmed. What does this have to do with dogs? Well, sometimes I put them before EVERYTHING else because I figure if I tire them out first I can focus on other stuff. While this is generally true, sometimes I have more patience with them and enjoy our time together more if I accomplish things for myself first. Dog/life balance?? I'm *sure* they understand.

I'm always more motivated to wake up early on the weekend....don't know why, exactly. I guess I like to get stuff done and still have the day ahead with Dave. Yesterday I decided to have some one on one time with Teddy. The thought of this was even kind of exciting for me.  Generally, it kind of stresses me out a bit because I know Ellie is going to flip out the entire time we're gearing up to leave, thinking she is going and then pouting when we leave. It sort of hit me today though....she needs to learn to take a back seat and I don't need to feel guilty all the time. I am always trying to give them equal attention and amounts of exercise, but when it comes down to it, she needs more to stay sane and so if there are times I have to "pick" who gets to go, it is generally her. I am not sure if Teddy "notices" this or not, and if it has fed his insecurities too.

Teddy looked like he didn't know what to do with his excitement when we got out on the footpath by the river and I let him off the leash. I know he loves running around with Ellie, but I think he may have had some flashbacks to when it was just me and him :-) We walked, Teddy played with other dogs and decided to jump in the river to go for a stick (thrown in for some black labs that were out...I wasn't exactly planning on getting him in the river but he did his thing...), and I socialized with the parents of his dog friends. Overall, he did so great with the humans and the pups. We still had some anxious whining at some points, and he was very nervous around/barking at a poor old man walking down the path on our way back to the house as I was stopped talking to a sweet old lady (this is also a common problem with him....men...men in hats? Hats and men??), but I think he is getting a little more comfortable out there. Slowly but surely. I looked forward to taking him out and having a great time instead of dreading it and being stressed about what would happen....and it's almost as if he knew. It felt like some solid proof that dogs pick up your energy.

Turns out, Ellie was letting out blood-curdling screams/barks from her crate when we left....according to Dave (who WAS still sleeping). Well, that's great Ellie. Tell me more about how rough your life is :) So, I kind of knew that might happen but it's ok. It isn't exactly like she is deprived of attention.

I know I didn't go into detail about training, but the details of all that can be found in books, on websites or from professional trainers. Perhaps once I have mastered some of them, I will elaborate :) There are different philosophies and methods for how to approach things, and I am blending some of what I already knew with new knowledge and trying to teach my *old* dogs some new tricks. However, my point in all this is that the key ingredient in the process is the attitude I bring to the situation. It's amazing how easy it is to forget this when things aren't going how you want. With dog training, with anything.

I always took pride in working with the dogs and training them, and so I see their struggles and failures as a reflection of my failure to assess their behavior and act accordingly. I want to look back on this phase of our lives and be able to say that we turned them into happy British dog citizens, not that they were miserable and we felt miserable for them.

The thing is....I love dogs (duh). But I never realized that they would challenge me in ways that would make me grow. It's neat.
 

Cheerio!

Ellie in the snow last year. I wonder if this is what she is doing in her dreams? :)

"What do you do?" Terrible question.

I LOVE having the freedom to go to the pub and enjoy a few pints with my husband on any given day of the week, if he isn't flying his huge flying gas station. We may or may not have done that tonight. If you don't enjoy, or miss, the same freedom to spend quality time doing whatever you want with your significant other, whether you have kids or not, sorry, but I think you're missing out on something wonderful.

Big judgement, I know. But that is my opinion.

Also, this:

Quick side note. I love them.

I feel so fortunate to chi-lax (I ain't too old to use slang!) with my husband in the middle of the week and talk about worldly events and the things that are important to us.

Ok, so of course as we get older, the idea of children and what kind of weirdos our reproductive mixes might turn out to be becomes a greater percentage of the conversation.....but I undoubtedly will miss our nights out. With no restrictions.

Early last year, I wrote a post about my life as a SAHW (yup, that's wife...not mom), inspired by Lyz Lenz's post "The Life of a Mostly SAHM." (I didn't link it again because, well, I don't want to creep her out...Google it if you wish). Actually, I've written a few posts analyzing my outlook on (my) life, and to be quite honest, I kind of cringe when I re-read them.

Not because I am ashamed or embarrassed, but just because I sort of don't like that it seems that I felt I needed to justify where I was at in life. To myself? To others? Both?

Of course, when you essentially use your blog in place of a psychologist, I guess your true feelings end up having a time stamp on them. I see now that, at the time, I didn't feel as stable in dealing with the uncertainty my life choices have dealt me.   

But really, all this isn't about me. It's about this video (I know, that sounds like Buzzfeed always claiming 'THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT' on everything they post :)  Alain de Botton: A kinder, gentler philosophy of success. No, the point of the talk is not that everyone should get a trophy. It's about defining your own success.

Oh, 1:57. It really is everyone's favorite question. "What do you do?" It's true. In fact, an old lady on the train asked me that question today. It used to bother me soooo much. But over the last year, I've truly been able to stop caring about the fact that I can't say "student" or "I'm in the Air Force" anymore.  I don't have a cut and dry answer anymore, but honestly, what's it to them? I really think some people just don't know what else to ask, and that's fine. I usually just say "nothing" now. That must be so interesting for them to think about. But..."YOU DON'T KNOW ME" ;-) Seriously, though. Try just asking me.....what I'm interested in. Or something useful. Try asking anyone that, instead of...."what do you DO?" Or is it "What do YOU do?" Either way.

I spend a lot of my time brainstorming about how to take my interests and goals and turn them into what I believe I'm meant to be doing in this world, within the context of my life now. I know there is no time like the present, but I'm trying. I think that might sound selfish to a lot of people. I don't think it is and that is why I stopped caring.

If I'm honest, again, I think a lot of people either A) judge me for not working OR having kids and/or B) think my life is all sunshine and rainbows....like one of those rich wives who lives at the spa.

I have no idea if people are ACTUALLY thinking that about me. But I think that notion is a result of society and what Alain is describing. 

Of course it's only natural to forget that I don't care sometimes. When people are intrusive and judgmental. But that is them, not me. They may or may not be trying to define who I am with a few quick pieces of information, but it doesn't matter. Growing up, whenever I had problems dealing with other people or issues I couldn't control, my Dad always reminded me that the only thing I can control is me. I'm 29 and finally get it.

I feel fortunate that I've lived until 29, and have done a few things I'm proud of. I hope to keep that "success" going. 

Of course, I must give credit to my fellow writers who unknowingly act as my psychologists, and help me to remember that....

...the grass is always greener.....on the other side:
http://joannarenteria.com/2011/12/13/i-was-considering-grad-school-and-then-i-saw-this-hilarious/
so funny :)

and

...a lot of people judge. we all judge. we shouldn't. and some people will always have an opinion about what you should be doing instead of caring about what makes you happy. but maybe one day we'll all get there:

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/21/friendly-fire/

and

...oh, again, some women just love to judge. I do like this piece as a husband who feels inclined to defend the hard-working mother of his children to other women being....rude, frankly. On the other hand, I also appreciate the commenter(s) who points out that many women simply "don't know" what stay at home moms do all day, so their questions are somewhat justified. I don't know....it's always good to see the other side, but I have had a full time crazy job and don't have kids myself, and my observations of motherhood lead me to believe it's kind of like prison. So to ask a mom what she does all day is sort of just....naive.
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

and

...it's ok to just be happy.
http://www.sarahannnoel.com/2013/06/letting-go.html

Carry on. Be happy. Define your own success.  

A New Year, A New Town

We like to get dogs in January; we like to move in January. Not really, I'd like to stay put for a while :) But last 3 Jan, we were headed out west to Spokane thinking that might be our next home. This 3 Jan, we were signing our lease for our home here in Ely, Cambridgeshire, UNITED KINGDOM. Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we live in England, I guess. And that this cathedral that was built 1,000 years ago is in my backyard.

Ely Cathedral

Inside the Cathedral

I love getting to a new place and exploring. I love trying new food. Yup I was even excited to try all of the "terrible food in England." NOT. I discovered Chicken Tikka while we were still living on base and that blew me away. Every time I see Chicken Tikka on a menu now, I have a hard time looking at anything else. When we got to Ely and didn't have our household goods yet, we used that as a "good" excuse to try as many pubs and restaurants as possible, I guess. Kabobs, a burger with goat cheese (I really think we ought to just slap a slab of goat cheese on our burgers in the U.S.), wild mushroom risotto, curry, chips, chips, chips & more chips! I'm a sucker specifically for the chips at one of the several pubs within a 5 min walk from us. And pints. I've had some good beers at several of the pubs, but one of my favorite places is a place called the Liberty Belle (also a 5 min walk...awesome/no good) that always has 5-6 microbrews on tap, all Ales. Well, I'm a sucker for Ales so they got me. They also do boat tours on the river in the summer. Sunday Roasts are also a tradition here; you can get a roast at most (or many) pubs every Sunday. We enjoyed our first Sunday Roast last weekend at the Royal Standard (the place with the crack chips).

The Sunday Roast. Does this look bad to you? 

Chicken Tikka! Boom.

p.s. that chicken tikka came with basmati rice, chips, naan (a type of flat bread) and a poppadom (see Wikipedia for that one). Who needs that many carbs?! :) But YUM. I ate them all.

Now that we have our stuff I've started cooking more so we don't balloon up. Amazing, soon after sleeping well and eating better I felt like I had energy to run again. It's all so crazy how the body works :) But it is unbelievable to be able to walk everywhere....the bank, the post office (Royal Mail! Didn't think I would use this much but have already had to go a couple times), several grocery stores, the Thursday/Sunday market, the Ely Cathedral, the river, the dog parks, shopping...pubs. I only need my car to go to base. I'll come back to that.

Since cooking at home, I've discovered that grilled cheese and sloppy joes, both of which I consider to be American foods, are amazing with British cheddar. See what we can accomplish with our allies? ;-)

There are some things you just have to embrace when you get to a new place. Because you aren't new for long. Like, I wish I had a video of myself walking through town looking lost and trying to read every store sign to figure out what store/restaurant it is, then trying to decide if I should go in or just keep it in mind for later. This thought process is all going on while I'm about to walk directly into a sign or a pole or a person. Because of course I'm looking left and right and up and every way except in front of me. Then there is the night I decided I should figure out how to get to the train station before we left for London a couple days later. It was about 5:30 and already dark, but I knew the general direction so just started walking. I noticed a bunch of commuters walking toward me (you can just tell which people got off the train after a day of work or school). So I decided to follow where they were walking from and wa-la! There was the train station. So I went inside and bought my discount card/pass, and as I was about to leave I SWEAR I saw Prince Harry. I swear. It couldn't have been him but WOW. The spot in this picture is on the short walk from our place to the train station:

A walk down the river. Ellie wants that swan. 

I know. That was a random photo of my cute dog by the river.

During my first couple of trips to the different grocery stores, I was always asked if I "needed bags" by the cashier. Uumm, am I a dirt bag if I say yes??? So, they are big on their reusable bags here (and you also bag your own groceries. I honestly think this is sort of a good idea. I always feel awkward standing there while the cashier rings everything up and the baggers bag...I need a job!). So, on one of my next trips I decided to bring my reusable bags. The only ones I had were from Trader Joe's and Dillon's. Yes, a reusable bag is a reusable bag but as I walked home with my overflowing Trader Joe's bag and a new British spec toaster oven, I wondered if I screamed "newbie." :)

Now we have all of our stuff and we're getting settled. But of course there were the moments of frustration when you are still trying to figure everything out and don't have the Internet at your fingertips. Example- I realized I was getting calls but had no clue how to access my voicemail. Seems like no big deal now, but it just felt like another little tiny way I was cut off when I was trying to figure out a million things and be home for deliveries of appliances, etc. Going without most of your stuff definitely makes you realize what is a necessity vs. a luxury, and that is actually really nice. But wow...the Internet. That hurt a bit. Free WI-fi isn't a thing here. I found it at the local library, so now I'm a library member which was another small step to feeling like I belong :) Before that, I did get really used to taking screenshots of websites with information I needed for later. Gotta get creative.

I also consistently battled with two feelings for a couple weeks....there was a part of me that wanted to just get out and explore, and another that felt so hesitant. I never really figured out why I was hesitant, being that I was so excited to be here, but now I'm in the comfort zone of living in Ely so it has passed. I guess anxiety of the unknown can be sort of powerful.

Oh, there is the day I really wanted some rubbing alcohol to clean a cut. Yeah, they don't have that here. I could have gotten some huge bottle of antiseptic...but I just wanted some rubbing alcohol. Such a simple thing, right? Dave got some on base that day.

I will say, to this day, having access to base is pretty amazing. We didn't want to live on base because there are so many other cool places to live and we wanted to experience England. But when I do find myself on base about once a week, I feel....comfort.  It's where you can get a lot of things you can't find locally (Jen in Germany-don't hate;-). It's fun trying local products, but it's nice knowing you can get some rubbing alcohol if you need because everything else is new and different and you just want what you know.

Of course at the end of the day for most of January, there was the comfort of sitting on the floor of the empty living room with the dogs and drinking wine with Dave out of red Solo cups.  That's kind of how we ended our time in Kansas.

The dogs are settling in just fine.

We love it in Ely and have made some great friends. And we had a great time in London, our first trip! TBC. But here is a fun one.

Adoption Month

January is adoption month in our family. We took a chance and got Teddy in January 2008 and Ellie in January 2012.  If I wasn't logical, I'd probably get one every January :) Any chance I get for sharing these pictures again....well, I will.  Their little adoption anniversaries.  

Cutie #1

Cutie #2

If you've met Ellie, you might think she is crazy. Or maybe you have seen the snuggly side. Or maybe you think she looks sweet in pictures. Or maybe you don't (seriously though, look above). Well, she is a very sweet dog. 

Sometimes, a sweet little pain in the ass. But what sometimes is a pain is also what makes her fun.

Like Teddy, she is a rescue dog, so we aren't sure exactly how old she is. But she is at least 2 because we got her 2 years ago last Sunday :)

She was about 6-8 weeks when we got her.

She is so adventurous and playful. Sometimes I can't believe she is still so puppy-ish.  Well, anyway. Let me skip to the point of today's story.

We have this gate out back that has like a million places to secure it shut. Ok I exaggerate. Dog owners probably know where I am going with this already.  But in the cold, damp air (and especially in the dark, if I'm dealing with it at night), I get a little lazy. And the slide latch things are difficult to slide all the way in. The other day I was upstairs and looked down into the yard, and it was wide open. The dogs were outside. I knew Teddy was still there because he was whining at the door (per usual). I sprinted down the stairs and to the back door as fast as possible and by then, Ellie was just standing near the door looking around, staring at birds. Phew! Right?

The Gate

Today is a similar story, except I had been upstairs for a while and Ellie was outside. I went into our bedroom and looked down and didn't see her. I walked downstairs and didn't see her from the massive french doors and sliding glass doors in the living room. I walked around to the 3rd door where I let them in and out and could not see her anywhere. I looked at the gate. It was closed, but looked unlatched. The worst possible case; she is out, and couldn't get back in if she wanted. Panic.

I am in my slippers and white robe. I sprint outside, dash through the wet rocks and mud, open the gate and start yelling "Ellie, come!" as loud as I can down the alley. I felt fairly confident that if she was anywhere near, she would come.  But I feared she had wandered off to the river or something. 3rd time's a charm....my little Ellie came trotting down the alley toward me with her puppy trot and white socks. Felt like the biggest relief of my life in that moment. She didn't even have her collar on; I have gotten pretty (too?) comfortable leaving those off the dogs unless we are going somewhere. Her heart was pounding so hard. I am not sure if it was because she was scared, or if she thought I was mad, or both. I felt so bad. She looked so innocent.

Teddy never walked out of an open gate (found it open in Kansas a couple times). Ellie got out once in Washington, but I didn't panic quite as much because we were on base. She ended up right next door :) They are different dogs, though. Teddy doesn't know what to do without his humans. She figures she will give it a try. See what's down the alley.

But here she is while I'm blogging.

Now she is keeping my feet warm. See? Sweet :)

From time to time, especially when we were moving over here to England, Dave and I will complain about what a pain they are and we joke about getting rid of them, or just one. Whoever we are frustrated with in that moment. But on days like today those seem like awful jokes! In the bottom of my heart there was never any doubt they were coming with us. They do bring so much joy to our lives and are such great company when everything else seems uncertain.

So I don't know. I guess the point is...dogs are awesome. I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST LOST MINE. Go hug yours :-p

Oh and I'm going to share this video a friend posted this morning for a little extra plug for rescue animals (although I will admit, it wasn't until they got to the dog part that I think I actually got a tear in my eye :) Click here if it doesn't display below.

CHANCE!