Military (dog) Brats

Every time we move, we get to experience so many new things. There is stress that comes with moving, but we know what is going on, of course. We can choose to focus on the positive things, plan a trip to an exciting place. Run to relieve stress. The dogs get all sorts of new experiences as well, but unfortunately, I don't think they have the same appreciation for world travel. They want routine, stability, food, water, treats, a wide open field to run, a ball, and maybe a body of water to fetch sticks.  Well, from what I've observed, that is all my dogs need to be happy and content. Ellie will take some beautiful snow-covered mountains if she can get them, but they are not critical to her happiness. They rely on us to make adjustments and the fine tuning to make their new life seem normal. 

22 March 2014. Teddy running free along the River Great Ouse :)

The following is somewhat of a play-by-play of my life with the dogs. But as I take on the challenge of training myself and rehabilitating my dogs (have to agree with Cesar on that one), maybe some of the insight into my own challenges and lessons will be useful to some of my fellow dog owners. Notice nowhere in that sentence did I use the word advice.....I'm in no position to call it that.

About a month ago in the midst of feeling frustrated that the dogs seemed uneasy and we were not in any kind of a routine, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not happy or content when I don't exercise, so why do I think the dogs would be? I KNOW they need it, and I always try to get them exercise. But what I had to accept was that if they are uneasy because they haven't gotten their exercise for the day, I can't be too frustrated or shocked that we aren't making huge strides with everything else related to their behavior.

At least exercise is one stress-reliever we have in common.

Taking a step back and looking at the situation, I acknowledged a few things that I had not in the midst of my own stress during the first couple months being here. The dogs are not only simply in a new environment in England, it is one that requires them to make adjustments to the lifestyle they are used to. Their immediate surroundings at home are louder; there is more foot traffic in front of and behind the house. When people are talking while they walk in front of our house, it kind of sounds like they might be IN the house sometimes. This is way closer to city life than Derby, Kansas.

In the states, we focused on walking them on a leash in neighborhoods or around town (for the most part) and letting them run free at fenced-in dog parks. Here, they need to learn to run free in open areas without fences next to walking paths.....sort of like, open dog park meets city.  So basically, run free without running in front of and tripping old people. This was kind of a stressful thing for me to face when we got here....because to them running is running, but I don't want to get sued.  

Fortunately, they do have experience with running off leash on trails and footpaths in uncrowded areas...which is more common here. And the most ideal. So they and their humans are comfortable with this situation :) 

Teddy has particularly struggled with walking around the area where we live with people everywhere (on weekends mostly, but at some times during the week), loud trains every 15 minutes (it doesn't help that it seems every time we are walking under the track one goes over us...). It just isn't the quiet environment he had grown used to in Georgia and Kansas. I've learned that when he is in wide open spaces here, he is ok with strangers and whatever. But when he can't see & when we're approaching tight corners/turns, he is very uneasy. This is very relevant to how I have to approach everything with him. He is very sensitive.  

This was the first step...taming my expectations of a flawless transition.

A few weeks ago I bought a journal to document our training- our goals, struggles and successes- as a way to capture the process of acclimating the dogs to England and facing this challenge head-on, hence some of the dates and observations below. I'm also doing a lot more reading and studying dog behavior.

On a rainy 12 Feb while we were hanging out inside most of the day, I decided it was time to start channeling my energy and frustration with the dogs in more positive ways. We worked on some agility training with a kitchen table chair. Just over and under. I saw Teddy's tail wag more than it had in quite a while, and by the end Ellie was like "ok these tricks are too easy," but they both had fun. It made me happy. Once I made the decision to have a positive, fun, stress-free session with them, it just happened. 

Around that time, I also decided that as I'm working on their behavior and training, I will focus on the areas they excel in now, even if this means we take a step back from the level I believe they once were.

I noticed Ellie was doing well at the park in the open field. I was taking them there a lot to play with the Chuck it. She listens to "come" if I decide I need to stop her from sprinting toward a new person in the area. Teddy does a little better running/jogging on leash; not as good as he used to but as long as we're not in a busy area with "scary" noises, running on leash is a good way to get him some of the exercise he needs while working on old commands. With a lot of people around, he hasn't been following commands very well (I think because of his anxiety, some fear and some insecurity) so we need to get back to the basics with a little less distraction.  

28 Feb- This was not a dog day. It was rainy and I got into a cleaning and organizing mode. I got a lot done just focusing on that, instead of worrying about accomplishing a bunch of different things. Too often I make a list of 20 things for 1 day and don't get much done, feeling overwhelmed. What does this have to do with dogs? Well, sometimes I put them before EVERYTHING else because I figure if I tire them out first I can focus on other stuff. While this is generally true, sometimes I have more patience with them and enjoy our time together more if I accomplish things for myself first. Dog/life balance?? I'm *sure* they understand.

I'm always more motivated to wake up early on the weekend....don't know why, exactly. I guess I like to get stuff done and still have the day ahead with Dave. Yesterday I decided to have some one on one time with Teddy. The thought of this was even kind of exciting for me.  Generally, it kind of stresses me out a bit because I know Ellie is going to flip out the entire time we're gearing up to leave, thinking she is going and then pouting when we leave. It sort of hit me today though....she needs to learn to take a back seat and I don't need to feel guilty all the time. I am always trying to give them equal attention and amounts of exercise, but when it comes down to it, she needs more to stay sane and so if there are times I have to "pick" who gets to go, it is generally her. I am not sure if Teddy "notices" this or not, and if it has fed his insecurities too.

Teddy looked like he didn't know what to do with his excitement when we got out on the footpath by the river and I let him off the leash. I know he loves running around with Ellie, but I think he may have had some flashbacks to when it was just me and him :-) We walked, Teddy played with other dogs and decided to jump in the river to go for a stick (thrown in for some black labs that were out...I wasn't exactly planning on getting him in the river but he did his thing...), and I socialized with the parents of his dog friends. Overall, he did so great with the humans and the pups. We still had some anxious whining at some points, and he was very nervous around/barking at a poor old man walking down the path on our way back to the house as I was stopped talking to a sweet old lady (this is also a common problem with him....men...men in hats? Hats and men??), but I think he is getting a little more comfortable out there. Slowly but surely. I looked forward to taking him out and having a great time instead of dreading it and being stressed about what would happen....and it's almost as if he knew. It felt like some solid proof that dogs pick up your energy.

Turns out, Ellie was letting out blood-curdling screams/barks from her crate when we left....according to Dave (who WAS still sleeping). Well, that's great Ellie. Tell me more about how rough your life is :) So, I kind of knew that might happen but it's ok. It isn't exactly like she is deprived of attention.

I know I didn't go into detail about training, but the details of all that can be found in books, on websites or from professional trainers. Perhaps once I have mastered some of them, I will elaborate :) There are different philosophies and methods for how to approach things, and I am blending some of what I already knew with new knowledge and trying to teach my *old* dogs some new tricks. However, my point in all this is that the key ingredient in the process is the attitude I bring to the situation. It's amazing how easy it is to forget this when things aren't going how you want. With dog training, with anything.

I always took pride in working with the dogs and training them, and so I see their struggles and failures as a reflection of my failure to assess their behavior and act accordingly. I want to look back on this phase of our lives and be able to say that we turned them into happy British dog citizens, not that they were miserable and we felt miserable for them.

The thing is....I love dogs (duh). But I never realized that they would challenge me in ways that would make me grow. It's neat.
 

Cheerio!

Ellie in the snow last year. I wonder if this is what she is doing in her dreams? :)

In the midst of crazy, it's wonderful

The last couple weeks: a whirlwind. We have been working so hard to get the house ready to list and I'm exhausted. Dave and I have different styles, though. Dave's routine looks something like this: go to work all day, come home and eat, calmly work on projects. I look more like a freak spinning in circles bouncing from room to room unable to complete my current task before deciding that something else is more important, and so on. More spinning. I have to say, once again, his patience, encouragement and reassurance that I'm working really hard and getting stuff done has been critical. Because in my mind I'm not efficient at this. Because I'm not. He is so sweet. Or fears a total meltdown. Regardless, I must give credit where credit is due.

Newsflash: selling a house is 100% less fun than buying a house.

The first phase was just going through boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff and purging.  You know, the impossible for me.  Then I slowly entered the cleaning phase and really thinking about staging.  I love actually cleaning because I can quickly see the results of the work :) But the less stuff we had in the house and the more I looked around, the more dirt I saw. Then I came up with a growing list of things to clean. 

Somewhere in the middle of all this we took a trip to Vegas. Long story short, we decided to go because we had flight reservations to use from a trip we previously had to cancel and, AND we got a "deal" on a hotel through the Holiday Inn for their Desert Club Resort because Dave has been a rewards member for so long.  So we decided it would be an anniversary trip...one last U.S. fling before moving to England. This deal included a 3 hour presentation about how we should invest in Vacation Ownership (like a timeshare, but SO MUCH BETTER, our shady presenter tried to convince us).  So, turned out we had to go on this tour/presentation or we owed $641 (the original deal was $199 for 3 nights and $100 cash back for attending the tour).   We found out about this ridiculous $641 when we missed our original appointment (we thought it was the next day).  They rescheduled us later in the afternoon.  So we showed up to the appointment a little annoyed.  $641? Really? That's a bit overboard. They called us after our first appointment to see if we attended, but they couldn't bother calling us before to remind us of the time? I smelled scam.

Caveat: I'm going through some of this to serve as a warning to others of what you might face if you decide something like this is a good idea.    

It began with smooth-talking I could see right through but I kept an open mind.  It ended with Mr. Business Man basically telling us we are not taking care of our marriage if we don't get this timeshare, and that it will end in divorce and, ultimately, him being pissed off and telling us that he doesn't get paid if we don't buy (oh no he didn't!).  So. Professional.  This is just a small summary of the obnoxious things said to us. Of course in the beginning he told us there would be no pressure at the end..........yeah, after saying no about 20 times while he continuously asked us how we would like to make the down payment for this $21, 000 investment, we took our $100 cash from one of the girls in the administrative office and ran.  It was hardly enough compensation for the torture.  But it did buy us a nice dinner before Le Reve.   

I really have to do a better job of doing official reviews of experiences and businesses, both good and bad.  This was just so unbelievable and, like I said, hopefully me sharing it is enough to serve as a warning to others who may get pitched the same or similar deal in the future.  Even if it saves one poor soul. In the end Dave tells me he sort of knew what we were getting ourselves into by taking the deal....ha! Oh man, I wish he would have enlightened me before we accepted.  The location of this hotel wasn't even that great and there are great deals right on the strip. 

Ok, that was a long story kind of long.  I planned on doing a Vegas Feedback Sandwich post about how our trip started and ended great with seeing some wonderful friends and awesome Vegas shows, with this rancid piece of meat in the middle.  So that was mostly the negative.  Here are the awesome buns:

Vegas Jump

Terminator

LOVE this lady

Beatles "LOVE" Cirque show

:)

Le Reve 

Le Reve

Who doesn't come home from Vegas a little exhausted? But we got back to cleaning and staging, with a few days left before our realtor, Todd, came over to take the pictures for the listing. Fast forward through a busy weekend seeing friends and watching some important football games, and there I was Monday morning at 0800, a sweaty freak who had been running around the house for a couple hours scrambling before Todd pulled up. I threw a hat on my head, the dogs in the car and asked Todd if I was any kind of normal for someone about to list their house. Of course he laughed and said I was "normal." What a nice guy. But really, we have been so happy with him during the buying and selling processes. If you ever find yourself looking to buy a house in Wichita, you'd be silly to not ask me for his info.  

Even after he took the pictures, I continued to deep clean (I started feeling like I was participating in a competition to be the best house on the market. I mean, that is pretty much what this is...).  But time is up.  We will put the sale sign up this morning at 0800. The house isn't really ours anymore. Time to stop the constant cleaning madness, at least at this pace. As we've worked so hard to get the house in top shape and closer to tomorrow, we've gotten sad about selling our first home. We've created so many memories here as a family. (It's amazing, I think our marriage has even gotten stronger in the last few years, even without holiday inn vacation ownership! Sorry, just a splash of my sarcasm. For now, I still love their regular hotels and they've been good to us during all of our travels around the states).

While we still have some great friends here who we will miss, many of the friends we made over the last 4.5 years have already moved away. Today, we said goodbye to some of the last Air Force friends who got here about the same time as us as they move on to their next duty station. I feel like we're next in the queue....it really is time to go. It is weird to be leaving, but a big part of this lifestyle is moving around and meeting great people everywhere. I am grateful to have good friends here and in so many places...it provides comfort in the process of constant change. And when we're living across the ocean in England, we will become friends with others who are also missing their best friends back home. The ones who can't just drive 4 hours from L.A. to Vegas to visit you for a day anymore. They call this the Air Force Family and I'm cherishing it more and more over time. 

This chapter of our lives is starting to close and it feels surreal.  

the post where I tell a story and then link to other bloggers who write a funnier version

I'm fully aware that title is too long.

My husband literally does everything. He flies planes. He fixes stuff around the house. He calms down his wife who might start having a panic attack about life at any given moment. He can even do that from another state. It's impressive. He's superman, really.

In general I'm pretty used to him being away. But with the whole being-an-adult-and-trying-to-sell-our- first-house-and-move-to-England thing, I really miss my partner. Maybe more so because there is so much to do, and in my head I have "plenty of time" because I'm not working right now....somehow that adds to the pressure.  No Excuses, housewife! But it doesn't change the fact that the to-do list is a little overwhelming and sometimes confusing and things in the house seem to be breaking right about when we're trying to leave and blah blah blah.

Sometimes I wonder...how did I get here? I wasn't supposed to be a housewife.  What is going on? HOW DO I ESCAPE? WHY IS DAVE ALWAYS FLYING HIS PLANE TO FAR AWAY PLACES???

Buuuut, I know the answer. I chose it. It's hard to remember why sometimes, but I chose to be where I am right now.  I so do not regret the decisions I have made. Sometimes I do have to rewind a little and remind myself, otherwise I spiral into labeling myself as a quitter or something else terrible, untrue and useless.

I fell in love with superman at age 21 and never looked back. I went into the Air Force super blue and in love.....oh, how perfect. Off we go, into the wild blue yonder...But 4 years later superman was still by my side when I wanted to rip my hair out daily. I so wanted to hang on to the Air Force for all the reasons I wanted to join in the first place, but life is not about being miserable at a job where you don't feel like you are making a difference. Many argued I was....but that's another internal battle in my mind :) I was definitely overly-confident about how "easy" it was going to be to have my own career in the civilian world with that whole moving around part, but I think it was good I had those blinders on. Dave is always a voice of reason and a source of endless support....good qualities to have in a spouse. And that is why I feel content with where I am & how I got here. I am excited for the near future....we finally get to go on our European honeymoon. For 3 years, woot! I have seen so little of the world. And we've had so much fun so far that I'm even fairly confident that the more distant future will be fun as well...whether that means housewife, mom and/or super career woman when Dave is retired at age 42.  I'm keeping my options open, haha.      

So when I read this post by one of the most hilarious bloggers I follow, it was pretty amazing. Seriously, if you took the time to read my post, you'll appreciate this comic relief (caution: do not drink liquids while reading).  No kiddos yet, but that moment in life when you wonder "How did I get here?" and then realize you are actually happy at the same time....

While I'm referencing blog posts that I love, this one about letting go is also worth a read if you are in some sort of "oh-my-god-how-did-I-get-here" stage in your life.  I love her closing remarks.  

Superman flies back home today.  Win.

Oink Oink

Today I had sort of a slow, off, feeling unproductive-type day. Mostly I was getting frustrated that I couldn't find things around the house...and that makes me go a little crazy & I turn into the tazmanian devil and lose focus on what I need to get done. But anyway, as I was going through my card box, I found this. Just at the right time.

An old laugh (from 2007!) from one of my favorite cousins who happens to live in Germany right now. We're gonna be Europe buddies! Really excited.

The oink oink part is a bit of an inside joke....but you don't even need to be on the inside. Look at that kid :)

I found so many old thoughtful cards and notes from friends and family.  Don't undersestimate the power of a thoughtful card or a funny face :)

Good night, Monday!