This is what we call "soul searching"

Following last week's meeting, I was so excited and confident about my ability to actually become a doctor (which may have come across in my post).  I know some people would say "well of course you could do it."  But if you really know me, you probably would be excited for me to have this type of revelation about myself:)

But that isn't all there is to it.  It's the external factors.  How long am I willing to live apart from Dave & Teddy?  Do I have time to get all the prerequisites done and still start at a decent age?  Am I willing to be pregnant during residency (let's face it, I would be in prime baby-making years...if not already later).  If you know me, you also probably wouldn't be surprised to know that immediately upon really considering this profession (more than just 'a thought') I started looking up "how this would work." Of course there are plenty of forums on the topic.  It was very interesting to read different tips and experiences.

Well this week, it feels closer to impossible.  Maybe I'm reading too many statistics on depression in medical students? :)

Most people (I would almost argue all people) need to be needed.  Some people might disagree, but I think it's human nature.  And I've always longed to make a difference.  When I was in the Air Force, it did get to a point where I felt needed.  But I certainly did not feel like I was making a difference.  It's important to be comfortable in what you are doing and know that you are working to your full potential.  Well, it's important for me.  Comes back to the infamous quote:

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

Well, I think the world DOES need more doctors.  But that fact aside, I think I would feel alive.  Directly being able to interact with people on a personal level, and getting to use 8 years of school and training and ongoing research to give them the best treatment I can.

I think another thing exciting to me about being a doctor despite the time and effort (and $) to get there is that not only would it be a constant challenge, but I really do think I would be good at it.  Something I was missing before.  What ever qualified me to be a good Communications Officer?  I was a good Officer, but I was not ok with not being passionate about Communications.  Because it was just a constant, tiring struggle/battle, not an exciting challenge. I was not alive.

Is going through 8 years of school really so bad if it makes you come out feeling alive (exhausted, but alive)?  Only I can make that call.  Shadow time.