the church of Brené
brene-tology
the church of latter day Brené.
Just some ideas one of my friends came up with when I recently joked that I've been "saved" by Brené. Love it.
So I referenced depression in my previous post. This isn't something I really try to hide, but I also feel like talking to very few people about it. Very, very few people. And I guess Brené is helping me understand why. Not everyone deserves to hear your shame story....and that is a powerful concept that has given me strength in itself.
Even though I thought I knew where a lot of my depression was coming from, she defined it for me. The bottom line...the root of it...is that I feel a lot of shame and gradually allowed this to affect my worthiness ----> I've lost connections and people who understand. Of course I've blamed myself for that too. That's it. Vicious cycle. Where did the shame come from in the first place? Well that is probably for a therapist. I've analyzed and analyzed and it's all blurry.
It isn't that I am not working right now, even though I would prefer to do so. Or that not working is making me feel a bit unfulfillled. These are normal phases of my life that I chose, but I do struggle with and need support. It isn't that I'm just "having a bad day." A lot, or most, of my days are great, actually. Or that I'm "bored." Because I'm not. It is that I feel I have broken connections with people and have issues with a sense of belonging. The few people I can talk to who actually want to listen and understand when I AM struggling and don't rank it against other levels of struggle. So that I can truly go through my days and face those who can't empathize with how I feel without feeling like a piece of shit at the end of the day.
Today I watched Part 2 of Oprah and Brené Brown and just could not get over how RIGHT she is; as she mentioned at the end of the episode, she is trying to create a language for what people go through in terms of vulnerability and shame (so maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about in this post so far). It makes people (me) feel like they aren't alone. And I have no problems sharing what I'm going through on here because I am honestly not seeking a response from the world wide web. What I've shared is just skimming a bit of the surface.
What I personally am beginning to work on is getting past shame by sharing my story with those 1-2 people in my life she talks about being deserving of hearing my shame story. And then convincing myself that I'm enough. And then getting on with life. 1, 2, 3.
"If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: Secrecy, silence and judgment."
I get judged plenty. One of my favorites is that I post a lot (too much??) on FB, and I must be bored. I've heard that a few times. Oh really? Well please tell me more about my life. Please judge more. And don't listen.
Side note: If you stopped at "Oprah" because you don't like her, well then go ahead and stop. But I watch because Brené is brilliant. And a lot of Oprah's contributions to the discussion hit home with me too.
The reason I am so excited to talk about Brené is because I hope I can get more people to watch her, listen to her and/or read her books. I have learned so much about myself and yes, even how to view/treat others, through her interviews and talks (well, I've learned the language that goes with my feelings) and look forward to reading her books. What I want is for more people to get strength from her words and research. Or even just understand human connection more.
I am actively working on my self-talk and other things that have really hurt me over the years. Dad, I know you always tried to teach me about self talk, so thank you. I knew you weren't full of hot air, but I guess I just needed the more in-depth analysis to get it through my head. And to hit new lows.
I've created a little directory below with everything I've watched. (Is there more?? If so, tell me:)
Watch in this order for best results :)
TED talks:
Oprah and Brene:
People are afraid of what they don't know or understand. The more people like you talk about these things the more understanding there will be.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful ~ thanks for sharing. And, no, I don't think you share too much on Facebook, and I would never think you are bored! I admire people like you who make and take the time to share the things that are important to you in your life ~ happy, sad, or otherwise. Sometimes you seem so far away and sometimes I feel like I'm right there with you. I hope that your week is going well ~ I love you!! ��
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