A Fallen Hero

I'll never forget the confusion and the heaviness I felt in my chest when an out-of-the-blue facebook post (a simple ":(" face) on my wall from an old friend led me to do some searching around...facebook. I was quickly able to conclude from the overwhelming amount of condolences on her cousin Meg's wall that Meg's brother Ian had passed away. My family used to vacation in the U.P. every summer with Meg and Ian's family when we were all just a bit younger.

Ian was a Marine who worked in an EOD unit. Explosive Ordnance Disposal. One of the ones who wears a bomb suit and disarms IEDs. One of the most dangerous jobs you can get. While I had lost touch with the McConnell family over the years, I followed Ian and Meg on facebook regularly. Imagine that. Me, on facebook. But it was Meg's facebook page that always kept me in the loop on when Ian was gone, and just how close they were and how much she adored him. This facebook connection was also what allowed me to catch up with Ian a little bit during his last deployment. He messaged me one day while I was just sittin' on the couch doing my hw...and naturally getting distracted by fb. Out in the middle of nowhere disarming bombs, I'm sure his unit had the ultimate Comm hook-up. One of the perks of putting your life on the line daily.

Of course I don't remember talking much about Ian....because he had plenty of questions for me about what I was up to and what was going on in my life. I'm sure any distraction from the stresses of that environment were welcomed. Ian did talk a little...I told him we want to go to Washington state for our next assignment and he told me how beautiful it is and that he would like to move there when he gets out of the USMC. We chatted a few different times, I sent him a care package, he told me I ROCKED (I sent him a care package, he disarms bombs for a living....who do you think is more awesome?), he mentioned wanting to buy me and Dave a beer some day (again, I think that one would be on us...but Ian was always that way...I even remember as a kid) we messaged back and forth a couple more times towards the end of his deployment/his way home...and that was it.

Ian committed suicide on July 6, 2011. He suffered from PTSD and had recently lost a best friend to the war (and I'm sure others previously). I don't know all of the other details and intricacies of what was going on in his life...but knowing his job and what he probably went through on multiple deployments was enough that it didn't come as a HUGE shock. Which is even MORE sad. It was a wake-up call that no matter how much love and support a person has, no matter how many people view you as a hero, a mentor, friend...no matter how much you positively impact other people's lives (this was all obviously the case with Ian), there is a mental condition that can take it all away. Can make the pain unbearable to live. As his sister put it, the PTSD killed him. I've really been struggling with how very very sad this is. This happens all of the time, but this time I happened to know the person. It struck me. How terribly, terribly sad it is. I just wanted to share this as awareness...that this problem is prevalent throughout the military. There are different levels of care, accessibility to services, etc. but the problem is serious. Bottom line. Ian is a casualty of war.

RIP Ian. My memories of you will always be of the happy times at Birch Shores. Your cheerful personality and distinct grin. Swimming to the island. Shooting the potato gun...ya know, trying to hit the raft. Skiing. Dinners on your #1 Cabin bluff. I'm just so sorry that we never got to reunite in person to catch up and reminisce. Thank you for your service.