Because I literally have no idea how to get ready to move overseas.
I thought I'd write some of this frustration out in hopes that it will help ease the pain.
I am, simply put, a pack rat. It's quite annoying. I want to be free from everything I'm hanging on to from every phase of my life. I want to be lighter. I already had this plan before we moved again but now it is even MORE important going over the ocean.
But for now this means I also have no idea how to sort things into different categories or "piles." What I have come up with so far is...
1) Stuff we're taking with us. To England. I figure I will start with making a list of what we will want to have when we are there and work backwards. If it isn't on my list it doesn't go. In theory I think this is good. In reality I will come across the things not on the list and justify why they should be on the list... We MIGHT need that thing....whatever it is...
2) Stuff going in storage
3) Stuff that Dad will be "happy" to hear I plan on adding to the collection of my shit already in his basement
4) Stuff I'm getting rid of (the impossible part)
a) Stuff I'm going to sell. Or give away? I don't know. Am I having a garage sale?? I don't know. Let's face it that probably won't happen. Good Will it is. But still....for things to make it into this category it will probably take someone blindfolding me and locking me in a closet so I don't know what I'm "losing." Because ya know, everything you get rid of you eventually end up wanting to use. Like the next day.
b) Stuff I'm throwing out
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OPTIONS???
Input welcome. Wanted. Needed.
Also, a cocktail.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
My relationship with running
So I've been totally off my blogging game. I'm not proud of this. I hate when I let whatever it is in life get between me and my little journal. I just looked....I have 5 drafts started. Seriously? I'm sure those will come to fruition.
But tonight as I was running I got the urge to spill my feelings about this sport I love so much. I've had a lot of obstacles training for this triathlon coming up next weekend. In fact, I made the very tough decision to switch from the Half (half ironman) distance to the Olympic on Monday. I'm stubborn and love a challenge....I signed up for a Half never having done an Olympic knowing it was a little ambitious but having confidence. After a burnout phase (never got that with running so I didn't even know what was happening really until after), a pinched nerve that took me out for a while and then getting sick last week, I decided to swallow my pride. I'll still do a Half. But this isn't the right time.
But the tone of this post has been more negative than I intended when I started writing. Gah! My POINT is that I'm in love with running. I've enjoyed the swimming and biking, but I could really benefit from some training buddies and more coaching in these areas. Maybe I thought because I love to run alone I could just do it all alone.
I'll always have that relationship with the runner in me. It's a long-term relationship. I know it's developed through 15 years of running. I've learned a lot...how to challenge myself and push myself. Through heat. Through wind. Through ankle sprains. Through Afghanistan dirt, dust and a burn pit (seriously thankful I didn't mess up my lungs). We're still working on the hills. We've come a long way with speed work. Through 5Ks. 10ks. Half Marathons. Marathons. So when I get injured or sick and miss a couple weeks and I'm freaking out about an upcoming triathlon during which I'm afraid I'll fall off my bike, the runner says...
"You've been away for a while, but we can totally pick up where we left off because we're besties! You've still got this. You can still push the speed. You can still push the endurance. You're mentally tough. Your legs are full of muscle even though your core sucks (seriously, work on your core please). You can still put one foot in front of the other, just a little faster. Even up this hill. Even against the annoying Kansas wind (when are you moving again?). Even facing the sun. Even though it never rained today and it's still humid as hell (WHEN ARE YOU MOVING?). We will rock the end of that silly triathlon. Smoke 'em! Hey aren't you super excited about those new running shoes coming in the mail next week?"
Seriously. The runner talks to me. That's what she said tonight. It's like she has so much confidence in me that I feel ok about maybe dying through the rest.
I don't take the fact that I can run for granted. I love it so much.
Geez it's even easy to blog about running.
But tonight as I was running I got the urge to spill my feelings about this sport I love so much. I've had a lot of obstacles training for this triathlon coming up next weekend. In fact, I made the very tough decision to switch from the Half (half ironman) distance to the Olympic on Monday. I'm stubborn and love a challenge....I signed up for a Half never having done an Olympic knowing it was a little ambitious but having confidence. After a burnout phase (never got that with running so I didn't even know what was happening really until after), a pinched nerve that took me out for a while and then getting sick last week, I decided to swallow my pride. I'll still do a Half. But this isn't the right time.
But the tone of this post has been more negative than I intended when I started writing. Gah! My POINT is that I'm in love with running. I've enjoyed the swimming and biking, but I could really benefit from some training buddies and more coaching in these areas. Maybe I thought because I love to run alone I could just do it all alone.
I'll always have that relationship with the runner in me. It's a long-term relationship. I know it's developed through 15 years of running. I've learned a lot...how to challenge myself and push myself. Through heat. Through wind. Through ankle sprains. Through Afghanistan dirt, dust and a burn pit (seriously thankful I didn't mess up my lungs). We're still working on the hills. We've come a long way with speed work. Through 5Ks. 10ks. Half Marathons. Marathons. So when I get injured or sick and miss a couple weeks and I'm freaking out about an upcoming triathlon during which I'm afraid I'll fall off my bike, the runner says...
"You've been away for a while, but we can totally pick up where we left off because we're besties! You've still got this. You can still push the speed. You can still push the endurance. You're mentally tough. Your legs are full of muscle even though your core sucks (seriously, work on your core please). You can still put one foot in front of the other, just a little faster. Even up this hill. Even against the annoying Kansas wind (when are you moving again?). Even facing the sun. Even though it never rained today and it's still humid as hell (WHEN ARE YOU MOVING?). We will rock the end of that silly triathlon. Smoke 'em! Hey aren't you super excited about those new running shoes coming in the mail next week?"
Seriously. The runner talks to me. That's what she said tonight. It's like she has so much confidence in me that I feel ok about maybe dying through the rest.
I don't take the fact that I can run for granted. I love it so much.
Geez it's even easy to blog about running.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Perspective
Training confession: After delaying Monday's workouts by working on my blog for most of the day (seriously, I need to learn HTML) and visiting with a good friend, I skipped them completely. I replaced them with drinking a crisp, refreshing Pinot Grigio on a beautiful summer evening...reflecting...while the dogs chilled in the backyard. Then I took them for a 30 min walk/run as it got dark. I don't feel bad at all.
Perspective.
For the last few months, I've been thinking that missing a workout is the hugest damn deal. Now, I think clinging to my family a little and enjoying the moment is the most important. The loss of crew 63-8877 has really made my heart heavy and hit close to home. I hate that sometimes tragedy must remind me of what is most important. It was eye-opening and shocking for everyone in the KC-135 community, and I mostly just feel so sad for their families and our friends who knew them quite well.
Ellie is a fly chaser. There is no fly too big. In fact, the bigger, the better. I leave the door open during the day now because it is so nice and the dogs can come in and out. There is no screen door, so bugs CAN be a problem. Or COULD be a problem. If we didn't have Ellie. I just came back from the walk with both pups and she immediately found one next to the kitchen table, half dead.....she stared at it; I threw it away. Next, she chased a second one until she got it in her mouth, then dropped it...and it lied dead under her. She looked up at me. I thanked her and threw it out (and laughed). Who needs a fly swatter??? It's the little things.
When Dave gets home, the family will be whole again. It's actually always been my favorite part of the day, but I've been reminded to not take it for granted in such an unfortunate way.
Perspective.
For the last few months, I've been thinking that missing a workout is the hugest damn deal. Now, I think clinging to my family a little and enjoying the moment is the most important. The loss of crew 63-8877 has really made my heart heavy and hit close to home. I hate that sometimes tragedy must remind me of what is most important. It was eye-opening and shocking for everyone in the KC-135 community, and I mostly just feel so sad for their families and our friends who knew them quite well.
Ellie is a fly chaser. There is no fly too big. In fact, the bigger, the better. I leave the door open during the day now because it is so nice and the dogs can come in and out. There is no screen door, so bugs CAN be a problem. Or COULD be a problem. If we didn't have Ellie. I just came back from the walk with both pups and she immediately found one next to the kitchen table, half dead.....she stared at it; I threw it away. Next, she chased a second one until she got it in her mouth, then dropped it...and it lied dead under her. She looked up at me. I thanked her and threw it out (and laughed). Who needs a fly swatter??? It's the little things.
When Dave gets home, the family will be whole again. It's actually always been my favorite part of the day, but I've been reminded to not take it for granted in such an unfortunate way.
Monday, April 29, 2013
I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
What is it about chapstick that I can't keep track of it? Ever. I found it in my eyeglass case this weekend after like 3 days. Next time I lose it, I'll be sure to remember to check there again........
Loving the hair. Except in the wind. Or Seattle rain. Or any of the elements. I need it short enough so that it literally can't move.
Also, cherry jolly ranchers. Why the shortage? The ratio is way off. It's like 1:5 to all the other flavors. Dislike. It's the best flavor.
Ok, but what I'm really excited about today is some recent inspiration. I've always loved to blog. I've often thought about starting a "real" blog (meaning one that is about more than chapstick and jolly ranchers) but have never been quite sure about a) a focus or theme and b) how to do it.
What I've discovered as I've followed more and more blogs and researched how to get going in the blogging world is that the blogging community is friendly and helpful. Rachel Bertsche talks about it in her book "MWF Seeking BFF." She labels the online community "fiercely loyal." She quotes a blogger's comment (to her blog) in her book:
"Sometimes I feel like my bloggy friends understand me better than my real ones."
She goes on to talk about the pros and cons of this, but I have to say, I see where she is coming from. For me it isn't about "friends" per se, but everyone has an innate need to feel needed (I think), and writing and writing and writing knowing it isn't helping anyone (or just not knowing whether it is or isn't) and not getting any feedback is pretty useless to me.
While linking my personal blog to FB and seeing that 95 people click on it but 1 person comments has been REALLY exciting and everything, I want to blog about topics that are helpful to people. I have a passion for exercise and a holistic approach to a healthy lifestyle. Well, I have some education in that realm too. If I can integrate my passion, education and maybe some humor into a blog that helps people directly and/or points them to other helpful resources.....I would get a lot more joy out of blogging.
I had looked into the "how to do it" a while back and felt overwhelmed with some resources. I was reading and reading and reading this one site about how to do it (but more about how wonderful it will be once it works) and in the end it was going to cost me an arm and a leg for a handbook or class. Can't even remember. I was turned off and let it go.
I've had people tell me they enjoy reading my posts before, and a friend recently asked me if I had thought about blogging for a "living." Well, not exactly. I think that was sort of the focus of some of the materials I had run across before, but that is not my primary goal and didn't want to pay a huge sum of money to get started. But this got me thinking again.....how DO you make money with a blog??? How DO you get people to find your blog? Seriously. So I've already spent a couple hours this morning researching and reading again. Bob Lotich's post about how to make money with a blog has been so helpful and allowed me to create an outline of how it works. Well, he basically gives the outline. It is so awesome that he has taken the time to give so much information about how he got started and all of the lessons he has learned so people like me are in a better place to start. It sounds like I can get started WITHOUT actually giving up an arm or a leg and I'm really excited. I'm not sure if you'll see this because I linked the article, but if you do, thank you Bob! :)
My goal in life is not to get rich (well, not for now:) And being in limbo all the time with the military (which is driving me insane even though I thought I was prepared....I keep hearing everyone's voices telling me right before I left the Air Force "It's going to be harder out there....moving around....." They were correct), I would LOVE something I could always take with me. I really enjoy social networking so I can combine a bunch of things I love and provide useful information. And make blogging friends. If I can make money in the end, that would be grreeeeaaat!
Don't worry, I'll keep this blog open for chapstick & jolly rancher-like topics.
I'm feeling good. This is how I feel
:D
Loving the hair. Except in the wind. Or Seattle rain. Or any of the elements. I need it short enough so that it literally can't move.
Also, cherry jolly ranchers. Why the shortage? The ratio is way off. It's like 1:5 to all the other flavors. Dislike. It's the best flavor.
Ok, but what I'm really excited about today is some recent inspiration. I've always loved to blog. I've often thought about starting a "real" blog (meaning one that is about more than chapstick and jolly ranchers) but have never been quite sure about a) a focus or theme and b) how to do it.
What I've discovered as I've followed more and more blogs and researched how to get going in the blogging world is that the blogging community is friendly and helpful. Rachel Bertsche talks about it in her book "MWF Seeking BFF." She labels the online community "fiercely loyal." She quotes a blogger's comment (to her blog) in her book:
"Sometimes I feel like my bloggy friends understand me better than my real ones."
She goes on to talk about the pros and cons of this, but I have to say, I see where she is coming from. For me it isn't about "friends" per se, but everyone has an innate need to feel needed (I think), and writing and writing and writing knowing it isn't helping anyone (or just not knowing whether it is or isn't) and not getting any feedback is pretty useless to me.
While linking my personal blog to FB and seeing that 95 people click on it but 1 person comments has been REALLY exciting and everything, I want to blog about topics that are helpful to people. I have a passion for exercise and a holistic approach to a healthy lifestyle. Well, I have some education in that realm too. If I can integrate my passion, education and maybe some humor into a blog that helps people directly and/or points them to other helpful resources.....I would get a lot more joy out of blogging.
I had looked into the "how to do it" a while back and felt overwhelmed with some resources. I was reading and reading and reading this one site about how to do it (but more about how wonderful it will be once it works) and in the end it was going to cost me an arm and a leg for a handbook or class. Can't even remember. I was turned off and let it go.
I've had people tell me they enjoy reading my posts before, and a friend recently asked me if I had thought about blogging for a "living." Well, not exactly. I think that was sort of the focus of some of the materials I had run across before, but that is not my primary goal and didn't want to pay a huge sum of money to get started. But this got me thinking again.....how DO you make money with a blog??? How DO you get people to find your blog? Seriously. So I've already spent a couple hours this morning researching and reading again. Bob Lotich's post about how to make money with a blog has been so helpful and allowed me to create an outline of how it works. Well, he basically gives the outline. It is so awesome that he has taken the time to give so much information about how he got started and all of the lessons he has learned so people like me are in a better place to start. It sounds like I can get started WITHOUT actually giving up an arm or a leg and I'm really excited. I'm not sure if you'll see this because I linked the article, but if you do, thank you Bob! :)
My goal in life is not to get rich (well, not for now:) And being in limbo all the time with the military (which is driving me insane even though I thought I was prepared....I keep hearing everyone's voices telling me right before I left the Air Force "It's going to be harder out there....moving around....." They were correct), I would LOVE something I could always take with me. I really enjoy social networking so I can combine a bunch of things I love and provide useful information. And make blogging friends. If I can make money in the end, that would be grreeeeaaat!
Don't worry, I'll keep this blog open for chapstick & jolly rancher-like topics.
I'm feeling good. This is how I feel
:D
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Marathon Monday
It is called Marathon Monday. And it will continue to be Marathon Monday. Right? The future of the sport and other events in similar settings is questionable, but it is also just a result of another attack on America, not runners. The headline might look something like this.....
"Runners and spectators take the brunt of the latest attack on America"
I don't know, it's been a while since an English teacher critiqued the length and focus of a story title.
I have so many thoughts about what people post or say after such a tragic event. I am not writing this to mock people's thoughts or emotions, but to simply work through my own, and highlight what I think are some things we REALLY need to think about and remember. I am not writing this to downplay the tragic events of the Boston Marathon, but to highlight that this is not isolated.
"Are we safe doing anything anymore?" No, but we already knew this.....didn't we? Let's not pretend we are SURPRISED by this happening at a running event.
"Runners are strong and mentally tough and we will not let this bring us down.....we will keep running." That is no one's quote in particular, but the combined sentiments of the running community around me (I'll include myself). It's true, but what are we coming together to do? It needs to be more than run. Runners happened to be the target in this particular case because the large crowd, but overall, we're not the only target.
However, I will admit that this hit home a little moreso than some other recent tragedies. But that is just human nature, I suppose. It's one of the settings I love the most....a running race. Running IS one of the places I escape. It IS what I love to do. So while my heart has broken for the victims and those affected by other terrorist attacks, this one actually made me put myself in those runner's shoes. I thought about races I've done. The finish line moments. And then made myself try to understand what it would feel like if 2 bombs went off right there. Two? Are there more? But I can barely imagine what that must have felt like. And I will think about it in the future. After my last marathon, I felt terribly sick immediately following and then almost passed out a short while after.....while laying down. I don't think my body would be very resilient as a runnner near that finish line. But those spectators and runners actually wounded or killed- they didn't have a chance.
I am seeing so many debates on FB in the form of comments to other articles...people calling others selfish because they think it is just about their sport. I don't think all runners think it just about them, but it hit home for them and all runners have that in common.
Each time one of these tragedies occur in a new setting, I think people are affected differently. Each time they occur, I feel numb and then I cry and each one is a little more difficult to process, regardless of where it happened.
So for me, there are 2 separate pieces to this and any terrorist attack (the news may not officially state that yet, but I am). The target of these attacks is where there are the most people. Where it is the most shocking. Terrorists don't hate runners specifically. They are going for big. Tragic. But, how we react to this particular attack and the way we let it affect the future of something we love (running) is a separate issue. And how we come together to prevent other tragedies is yet another issue.
We can come together as a running community...to keep on running and support each other. But how do we act and come together to prevent future tragedies? In any setting. We all know it won't be a race next time. That is what is on my mind.
Love to Boston.
"Runners and spectators take the brunt of the latest attack on America"
I don't know, it's been a while since an English teacher critiqued the length and focus of a story title.
I have so many thoughts about what people post or say after such a tragic event. I am not writing this to mock people's thoughts or emotions, but to simply work through my own, and highlight what I think are some things we REALLY need to think about and remember. I am not writing this to downplay the tragic events of the Boston Marathon, but to highlight that this is not isolated.
"Are we safe doing anything anymore?" No, but we already knew this.....didn't we? Let's not pretend we are SURPRISED by this happening at a running event.
"Runners are strong and mentally tough and we will not let this bring us down.....we will keep running." That is no one's quote in particular, but the combined sentiments of the running community around me (I'll include myself). It's true, but what are we coming together to do? It needs to be more than run. Runners happened to be the target in this particular case because the large crowd, but overall, we're not the only target.
However, I will admit that this hit home a little moreso than some other recent tragedies. But that is just human nature, I suppose. It's one of the settings I love the most....a running race. Running IS one of the places I escape. It IS what I love to do. So while my heart has broken for the victims and those affected by other terrorist attacks, this one actually made me put myself in those runner's shoes. I thought about races I've done. The finish line moments. And then made myself try to understand what it would feel like if 2 bombs went off right there. Two? Are there more? But I can barely imagine what that must have felt like. And I will think about it in the future. After my last marathon, I felt terribly sick immediately following and then almost passed out a short while after.....while laying down. I don't think my body would be very resilient as a runnner near that finish line. But those spectators and runners actually wounded or killed- they didn't have a chance.
I am seeing so many debates on FB in the form of comments to other articles...people calling others selfish because they think it is just about their sport. I don't think all runners think it just about them, but it hit home for them and all runners have that in common.
Each time one of these tragedies occur in a new setting, I think people are affected differently. Each time they occur, I feel numb and then I cry and each one is a little more difficult to process, regardless of where it happened.
So for me, there are 2 separate pieces to this and any terrorist attack (the news may not officially state that yet, but I am). The target of these attacks is where there are the most people. Where it is the most shocking. Terrorists don't hate runners specifically. They are going for big. Tragic. But, how we react to this particular attack and the way we let it affect the future of something we love (running) is a separate issue. And how we come together to prevent other tragedies is yet another issue.
We can come together as a running community...to keep on running and support each other. But how do we act and come together to prevent future tragedies? In any setting. We all know it won't be a race next time. That is what is on my mind.
Love to Boston.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
brené-tology
the church of Brené
brene-tology
the church of latter day Brené.
Just some ideas one of my friends came up with when I recently joked that I've been "saved" by Brené. Love it.
So I referenced depression in my previous post. This isn't something I really try to hide, but I also feel like talking to very few people about it. Very, very few people. And I guess Brené is helping me understand why. Not everyone deserves to hear your shame story....and that is a powerful concept that has given me strength in itself.
Even though I thought I knew where a lot of my depression was coming from, she defined it for me. The bottom line...the root of it...is that I feel a lot of shame and gradually allowed this to affect my worthiness ----> I've lost connections and people who understand. Of course I've blamed myself for that too. That's it. Vicious cycle. Where did the shame come from in the first place? Well that is probably for a therapist. I've analyzed and analyzed and it's all blurry.
It isn't that I am not working right now, even though I would prefer to do so. Or that not working is making me feel a bit unfulfillled. These are normal phases of my life that I chose, but I do struggle with and need support. It isn't that I'm just "having a bad day." A lot, or most, of my days are great, actually. Or that I'm "bored." Because I'm not. It is that I feel I have broken connections with people and have issues with a sense of belonging. The few people I can talk to who actually want to listen and understand when I AM struggling and don't rank it against other levels of struggle. So that I can truly go through my days and face those who can't empathize with how I feel without feeling like a piece of shit at the end of the day.
Today I watched Part 2 of Oprah and Brené Brown and just could not get over how RIGHT she is; as she mentioned at the end of the episode, she is trying to create a language for what people go through in terms of vulnerability and shame (so maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about in this post so far). It makes people (me) feel like they aren't alone. And I have no problems sharing what I'm going through on here because I am honestly not seeking a response from the world wide web. What I've shared is just skimming a bit of the surface.
What I personally am beginning to work on is getting past shame by sharing my story with those 1-2 people in my life she talks about being deserving of hearing my shame story. And then convincing myself that I'm enough. And then getting on with life. 1, 2, 3.
"If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: Secrecy, silence and judgment."
I get judged plenty. One of my favorites is that I post a lot (too much??) on FB, and I must be bored. I've heard that a few times. Oh really? Well please tell me more about my life. Please judge more. And don't listen.
Side note: If you stopped at "Oprah" because you don't like her, well then go ahead and stop. But I watch because Brené is brilliant. And a lot of Oprah's contributions to the discussion hit home with me too.
The reason I am so excited to talk about Brené is because I hope I can get more people to watch her, listen to her and/or read her books. I have learned so much about myself and yes, even how to view/treat others, through her interviews and talks (well, I've learned the language that goes with my feelings) and look forward to reading her books. What I want is for more people to get strength from her words and research. Or even just understand human connection more.
I am actively working on my self-talk and other things that have really hurt me over the years. Dad, I know you always tried to teach me about self talk, so thank you. I knew you weren't full of hot air, but I guess I just needed the more in-depth analysis to get it through my head. And to hit new lows.
I've created a little directory below with everything I've watched. (Is there more?? If so, tell me:)
Watch in this order for best results :)
TED talks:
Oprah and Brene:
Monday, March 25, 2013
Tri or do not; there is no Try
Well I didn't do the 3 hours of swimming and running workouts I was supposed to do today. But it's all good because I went on a cleaning rampage and cleaned the house..folded the laundry, did the dishes, vaccumed and mopped the floors. Wtf am I doing?? Somehow I do not think that is a suitable replacement. Yeah, it's not.
This past week, I hit an entirely new low for training motivation. Odd, because normally I am just training for runs...marathons....and doing a whole lot of running. Now I'm swimming, biking and running each 3 times/week. More variety, but the workouts don't change a whole lot from week to week. I understand the monotony of the workouts....they pretty much stay the same but increase in duration/intensity/etc. each week....basic training progression principles. I felt like I was doing awesome for the first 6 or so weeks. Then BAM. I just got super bored. I took a random rest day on Wednesday (normally on Saturdays). And then today....well, I cleaned the house.
And did self-massage with the Aveda blue oil. Ever since yesterday, I've had this nagging dull pain on the back left side of my head. It felt like stress.....but in my head, not my upper back, shoulder and neck (like usual). Dave gave me a nice massage last night, but today the pain had just moved to where it normally is (neck). So annoying. I actually need a massage. I miss you Jaime!
I've always found motivation from within to get it done. And it's never been that difficult, to be honest. Because I seriously really enjoy working out. But the enjoyment factor is what seemed to have changed, so I was kind of at a loss when it happened. Someone telling me to just "go do it" was not going to help. Actually, that doesn't work for most people (reference coaching principles). So naturally, I turned to the internet....google...triathlon training forums. I found some good feedback, info and advice for getting through something like this. Turns out, I'm not the first one who this has happened to.....crazy.
One post recommended affirmations. And an inspiration wall. I'm starting there. That's right, I'm going to print out a bunch of pictures of me being awesome, and inspirational quotes...and hang a poster on my wall. Also, taking a break from structured training. One could argue my non-scheduled rest days count for this....but from now on, if I feel unmotivated to complete the workout of the day, I will still do something that doesn't seem as boring. Until I can get back to where I was, enjoying each swim, bike and run.
What really felt good was accepting this as a new challange in a training program. Not a reason to get discouraged. To be quite honest, this was the one thing I felt I had control of in this phase of my life and I refuse to let this get the best of me. It felt good to accept that I can just pick back up tomorrow and (although it might hurt a tiny bit since I've been a SLACKER) it's ok and I'll get back on track. I have been spending time with wonderful friends recently, and cleaning up the house and making dinner for my husband today felt like a little needed balance/organization to everything.
It feels good to keep the control. As best as I can, anyway. I'm looking forward to this week and pushing myself through this rut. I know there are some other factors playing into this struggle, like some depression. But that is probably for another post. Because that is a whole separate topic that I'd rather blog about than discuss. Why? Well, stay tuned. To my blog.
So my point here is......just keep on keeping on :)
This past week, I hit an entirely new low for training motivation. Odd, because normally I am just training for runs...marathons....and doing a whole lot of running. Now I'm swimming, biking and running each 3 times/week. More variety, but the workouts don't change a whole lot from week to week. I understand the monotony of the workouts....they pretty much stay the same but increase in duration/intensity/etc. each week....basic training progression principles. I felt like I was doing awesome for the first 6 or so weeks. Then BAM. I just got super bored. I took a random rest day on Wednesday (normally on Saturdays). And then today....well, I cleaned the house.
And did self-massage with the Aveda blue oil. Ever since yesterday, I've had this nagging dull pain on the back left side of my head. It felt like stress.....but in my head, not my upper back, shoulder and neck (like usual). Dave gave me a nice massage last night, but today the pain had just moved to where it normally is (neck). So annoying. I actually need a massage. I miss you Jaime!
I've always found motivation from within to get it done. And it's never been that difficult, to be honest. Because I seriously really enjoy working out. But the enjoyment factor is what seemed to have changed, so I was kind of at a loss when it happened. Someone telling me to just "go do it" was not going to help. Actually, that doesn't work for most people (reference coaching principles). So naturally, I turned to the internet....google...triathlon training forums. I found some good feedback, info and advice for getting through something like this. Turns out, I'm not the first one who this has happened to.....crazy.
One post recommended affirmations. And an inspiration wall. I'm starting there. That's right, I'm going to print out a bunch of pictures of me being awesome, and inspirational quotes...and hang a poster on my wall. Also, taking a break from structured training. One could argue my non-scheduled rest days count for this....but from now on, if I feel unmotivated to complete the workout of the day, I will still do something that doesn't seem as boring. Until I can get back to where I was, enjoying each swim, bike and run.
What really felt good was accepting this as a new challange in a training program. Not a reason to get discouraged. To be quite honest, this was the one thing I felt I had control of in this phase of my life and I refuse to let this get the best of me. It felt good to accept that I can just pick back up tomorrow and (although it might hurt a tiny bit since I've been a SLACKER) it's ok and I'll get back on track. I have been spending time with wonderful friends recently, and cleaning up the house and making dinner for my husband today felt like a little needed balance/organization to everything.
It feels good to keep the control. As best as I can, anyway. I'm looking forward to this week and pushing myself through this rut. I know there are some other factors playing into this struggle, like some depression. But that is probably for another post. Because that is a whole separate topic that I'd rather blog about than discuss. Why? Well, stay tuned. To my blog.
So my point here is......just keep on keeping on :)
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I Cried
Tonight, I cried unexpectedly. I wasn't really shocked; I'm kind of an emotional person. Plud I'd had a couple.
But I was hanging out at the bar with my new, awesome, crazy friend (I swear, she is my twin from England). Somehow, we got on the topic of seeing family, family visiting and visiting family when "back home." I talked to her about how it's "a little" stressful when we go back home, as both of our parents are divorced so there are just a lot of people to split our time amongst (geez, is that proper English??)
I also mentioned how it's sad that no one really visits us. I mentioned the last time my Dad visited us was when I got back from my deployment in 2010, and it was immediately after Dave and I got back from Atlanta. We were driving back 18 hours after Dave picked me up there and we picked up Teddy from our friend's house in my old stomping grounds, Warner Robins, when he informed me we would have visitors. I was a little annoyed that we had a very limited amount of time together back home before they showed up 2 days later. Maybe that makes me ungrateful or unappreciative, but those were my true feelings at the time. I felt a little suffocated after getting back to the States after 6 months in the lovely country of Afghanistan.
I then went on to say that it's frustrating to feel....frustrated. We want to see family more often, but the circumstances always feel stressful as we don't feel they always understand where we are coming from.
My lovely friend (who lost her father a couple years ago) immediately reminded me of the most important part. I'm my Dad's little girl. Since I was born, it's been his job to protect me. After 6 months of being able to do nothing to protect me in a war zone, he just wanted to see me and that is all he was thinking about. I think that is probably true? :) The tears flowed. 3 years later.
I miss you Dad. I love you.
Tell your loved ones you love them.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Scattegories
I came up with a new way of dumping! Categories :)
Inspiration: Amanda Beard. I finished her book yesterday "In the Water They Can't See You Cry." A couple days before I finished "No Easy Day," obviously super inspirational in a completely different way. But Amanda's book is outstanding....I really admire how she shared so many things. I could relate to many of her feelings (no I don't cut myself or throw up my food) and her journey to becoming a happier person was so awesome to read about. If I was a 4-time Olympian with 7 medals maybe I would write a book about how I feel broken. I don't have the world-famous accomplishments to go with my story. But she put it out there, and I find the memoir a fascinating account of psychological issues that probably everyone goes through at some level.
Yummy: I made the best smoothie of my life last night. It must be the magic of the Bullet. Get one.
Dogs: Ellie and I started another class on Monday, Focus and Connecting with Your Dog. It is a class required before some of the agility stuff, and it seems like some of the things we will be doing she has already learned.....but #itsprobablyfine. Lord knows she could always use more FOCUS. We'll see how the second class goes and if I feel it isn't challenging her enough I'll see if she can "test out of it." Haha. Either way, it's really great having that time with her each week. She listens better than Teddy at this point.
On that note. today we went to the dog park and there were 2 men that I stood around talking to for a while. I was thinking "See Teddy, males are ok." I keep hoping that the more I take him to the park/expose him to men (even though we've been doing that for years in 3 different states?), the less he will freak out about nothing and men and noises and everything. But I guess it's a different environment. Inside the house, he barks at car doors slamming outside. When the neighbors come home. Ellie only goes nuts when people are in sight and I really think she is protecting us, and then when I tell her to stop I can usually get her to stop. Not him. So I feel Teddy needs more work. That is one of the things we're working on in class (getting your dog's attention and calming them down when necessary). So.....maybe I should just show up with Teddy next week.
Additionally, Teddy and Ellie have weird dynamics. At home, she cuddles (spoons) with him all day, goes in his crate, lays on him, licks him, loves him. He looks annoyed. But maybe that is just Teddy's face. Because when we go out to the park, she runs around and wants to play with all the dogs. Teddy seems to get possessive and jealous. Like a boyfriend? What the heck Teddy. It's so odd. A little insecure, are we?
Anyway, I love dogs. Can you tell? Lately I've been thinking I should get a job working with dogs. I'd probably be a happier person.
Training: Talked myself out of my swim today after almost talking myself out of my workouts yesterday. Not sure if I'm listening to my body or being lazy (I've never done this much training that isn't all running....my specialty), but I also took a nap and got a (skinny) hazelnut machiatto at Starbucks. Shit. Oh well. Yesterday I woke up so tired I felt paralyzed, and then today I had a dream during my nap that I was that tired again and couldn't move. What??? I have no idea. Broccoli and Cheese Potato soup should snap me right out of this crap, correct?
Found out last week this base has a Bod Pod. I've measured my body fat with calipers, hydrostatic weighing and a DEXA scan (twice) over the years and it has never been as high as the measurement this accurate Bod Pod gave me this morning. I've been training pretty hard, but I also know nutrition plays a bigger role than I ever liked to admit prior to my last marathon. I know my body pretty well, how I've been training/eating compared to the past, etc and I'm not freaking out yet. I'll go back in a month and see....if it's still that high I'm going to either just let it go or question them. I am not saying it isn't higher than I think, so we'll see after a month of cutting out lots of shitty foods again.
Feeling like shit: See above. Monday I woke up at 5. Monday was amazing. Tuesday morning I woke up super early...starved, nauseous. Did I eat too late the night before? I don't know. Was never a problem before. Is this because I'm 28 now? Seriously this sucks. Couldn't get up until 9. Felt ok, not fabulous. Then at about 11:30 I microwaved an empty mug instead of putting water in it first. Apparently, not ok. You probably don't care about any of this, but hopefully you find the empty mug part funny.
Firsts: Today, I sneezed shortly after my hazelnut macchiato. Onto my white long-sleeved shirt. Coffee on my white shirt. Moral of the story: Be careful when and where you sneeze.
Favorites: My favorite part of the day is falling asleep with my husband after talking for about a half hour each night. It makes nothing else seem important.
Good night!
Inspiration: Amanda Beard. I finished her book yesterday "In the Water They Can't See You Cry." A couple days before I finished "No Easy Day," obviously super inspirational in a completely different way. But Amanda's book is outstanding....I really admire how she shared so many things. I could relate to many of her feelings (no I don't cut myself or throw up my food) and her journey to becoming a happier person was so awesome to read about. If I was a 4-time Olympian with 7 medals maybe I would write a book about how I feel broken. I don't have the world-famous accomplishments to go with my story. But she put it out there, and I find the memoir a fascinating account of psychological issues that probably everyone goes through at some level.
Yummy: I made the best smoothie of my life last night. It must be the magic of the Bullet. Get one.
Dogs: Ellie and I started another class on Monday, Focus and Connecting with Your Dog. It is a class required before some of the agility stuff, and it seems like some of the things we will be doing she has already learned.....but #itsprobablyfine. Lord knows she could always use more FOCUS. We'll see how the second class goes and if I feel it isn't challenging her enough I'll see if she can "test out of it." Haha. Either way, it's really great having that time with her each week. She listens better than Teddy at this point.
On that note. today we went to the dog park and there were 2 men that I stood around talking to for a while. I was thinking "See Teddy, males are ok." I keep hoping that the more I take him to the park/expose him to men (even though we've been doing that for years in 3 different states?), the less he will freak out about nothing and men and noises and everything. But I guess it's a different environment. Inside the house, he barks at car doors slamming outside. When the neighbors come home. Ellie only goes nuts when people are in sight and I really think she is protecting us, and then when I tell her to stop I can usually get her to stop. Not him. So I feel Teddy needs more work. That is one of the things we're working on in class (getting your dog's attention and calming them down when necessary). So.....maybe I should just show up with Teddy next week.
Additionally, Teddy and Ellie have weird dynamics. At home, she cuddles (spoons) with him all day, goes in his crate, lays on him, licks him, loves him. He looks annoyed. But maybe that is just Teddy's face. Because when we go out to the park, she runs around and wants to play with all the dogs. Teddy seems to get possessive and jealous. Like a boyfriend? What the heck Teddy. It's so odd. A little insecure, are we?
Anyway, I love dogs. Can you tell? Lately I've been thinking I should get a job working with dogs. I'd probably be a happier person.
Training: Talked myself out of my swim today after almost talking myself out of my workouts yesterday. Not sure if I'm listening to my body or being lazy (I've never done this much training that isn't all running....my specialty), but I also took a nap and got a (skinny) hazelnut machiatto at Starbucks. Shit. Oh well. Yesterday I woke up so tired I felt paralyzed, and then today I had a dream during my nap that I was that tired again and couldn't move. What??? I have no idea. Broccoli and Cheese Potato soup should snap me right out of this crap, correct?
Found out last week this base has a Bod Pod. I've measured my body fat with calipers, hydrostatic weighing and a DEXA scan (twice) over the years and it has never been as high as the measurement this accurate Bod Pod gave me this morning. I've been training pretty hard, but I also know nutrition plays a bigger role than I ever liked to admit prior to my last marathon. I know my body pretty well, how I've been training/eating compared to the past, etc and I'm not freaking out yet. I'll go back in a month and see....if it's still that high I'm going to either just let it go or question them. I am not saying it isn't higher than I think, so we'll see after a month of cutting out lots of shitty foods again.
Feeling like shit: See above. Monday I woke up at 5. Monday was amazing. Tuesday morning I woke up super early...starved, nauseous. Did I eat too late the night before? I don't know. Was never a problem before. Is this because I'm 28 now? Seriously this sucks. Couldn't get up until 9. Felt ok, not fabulous. Then at about 11:30 I microwaved an empty mug instead of putting water in it first. Apparently, not ok. You probably don't care about any of this, but hopefully you find the empty mug part funny.
Firsts: Today, I sneezed shortly after my hazelnut macchiato. Onto my white long-sleeved shirt. Coffee on my white shirt. Moral of the story: Be careful when and where you sneeze.
Favorites: My favorite part of the day is falling asleep with my husband after talking for about a half hour each night. It makes nothing else seem important.
Good night!
Monday, March 4, 2013
5 Things
- Last night's quick 2.5 mile run.....WHY DIDN'T I HAVE MY PHONE WITH ME? The most amazing sky I think I have ever seen. Just pink and purple. I guess sometimes you have to just tell people about it. (seriously, why didn't I have my phone?)
- I was up at 5, and feeling great about the possibilities of what I could accomplish between then and 4.5 hours later, which is when I might normally roll out. Overall, it was great. But by 7:30 I was wanting Baileys in my coffee. Hmmm. Withdrawals from not having a bottle of wine the night before? Maybe.
- I've been thinking...my hair is still too long. Weird. I think more is coming off.
- The weather is beautiful and it seems like Spring is here. Haven't gotten snow in a few weeks and the grass is looking green-ish already. Yeah definitely not in Kansas. I've heard it's so beautiful here in the Summer, so I'm torn.....more snow, because that is awesome too and I want to ski again. Or....sun and flowers? I love this State.
- On that note, I'm really scrambling to finish up some scarves I'm working on. Scarves by Breanne....coming Summer 2013! :)
I like this "5 Things" idea. An opportunity to dump in a nice list form.
- I was up at 5, and feeling great about the possibilities of what I could accomplish between then and 4.5 hours later, which is when I might normally roll out. Overall, it was great. But by 7:30 I was wanting Baileys in my coffee. Hmmm. Withdrawals from not having a bottle of wine the night before? Maybe.
- I've been thinking...my hair is still too long. Weird. I think more is coming off.
- The weather is beautiful and it seems like Spring is here. Haven't gotten snow in a few weeks and the grass is looking green-ish already. Yeah definitely not in Kansas. I've heard it's so beautiful here in the Summer, so I'm torn.....more snow, because that is awesome too and I want to ski again. Or....sun and flowers? I love this State.
- On that note, I'm really scrambling to finish up some scarves I'm working on. Scarves by Breanne....coming Summer 2013! :)
I like this "5 Things" idea. An opportunity to dump in a nice list form.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)