Taking the control back!

Dear blog,

So, big step today.  That's right.  I deactivated my Facebook account.  I've done this before for temporary periods of time.  Mostly due to the fact that it's a time leach.  And my hiatuses didn't last that long....weak, I know.  I have still chosen not to completely delete it because I think there is a place for Facebook and maybe I will be back one day.  And despite my hunch that many others wouldn't agree, I think I have posted some interesting links and other "things" there that I may want to access later.

Anyway, I recently subscribed to a blog called "MWF Seeking BFF." That's code for  "Married White Female Seeking Best Friend Forever."  This is also a book that I also recently started reading.  Last week, the author posted an entry about facebook stalking.  Read here.  Sadly, I found this so relevant.  I admit.  Well, more generally, I think facebook has caused me to...take a turn for the worse...is the best way to put it.

I post pictures of my family, adventures, family adventures, even.  I post links to videos and articles I find interesting, usually hoping people read or watch and it results in some sort of intellectual banter (yeah sure, on FB).  That usually doesn't happen.  While I do have a "following" of about the same 30 or so people, what are the other 600 for? Now I know this whole thing is a two-way street.  Trust me, I spend lots of time doing what Rachel calls "stalking" people's FB pages who I'll probably never talk to again.  And for those I do care about....well I will get to that in a bit. 

So it makes me wonder, should you let facebook determine who your closest friends and family are? If some of your closest family and friends (or those who you think are or you want to be the closest) are on facebook, but "don't use it very much" and therefore never comment or pay attention to your posts, is it really strengthening that relationship? Um, no.  And should I (switching to 'I' instead of 'you'...because well this is about my problem:) draw the conclusion that they don't care?  Maybe...probably not.  And should I assume that the people who do pay attention to my FB "stuff" care about me the most? Not necessarily.  To be blunt, it's a really easy way to mindlessly pay attention to lots of people (and I am NOT implying this was the case with everyone who did pay attention to my posts, just making a point).  While I didn't realize it, I guess I was really just posting to the world to see who cares.  And mostly just disappointed (justified or not) when certain people didn't.  It may be the easiest way to throw information out there, but damn can it be heartless.

Yes, I'm still talking about FB (look I'm not even on it and it's sucking my time).  Even though it is hard, sometimes feels nearly impossible, for me to maintain phone communication with people, it needs to start.  I often wonder what certain family and friends are up to/the latest, and facebook isn't telling me that either.  And, my Grandmas aren't on facebook.  So, that isn't helpful :)

I'm just starting to feel like it isn't worth it, even if it is in sort of a selfish way.  I'm human, and I miss talking to certain people and feeling like they care.  I would rather TALK to people about wanting to go to medical school and my self-doubting and worries about if it's going to all work out (Skype dates with Meghan have been so awesome over the last few months).  Or maybe just blog about it sometimes, because that helps too.  Even an electronic diary is better than 600 FB friends (no offense).  I would rather send an email with a video or article to people who are important to me.  And, I miss showing people that I care (because I do) by getting (personal) updates.  I've always had a need to help people....a need to feel needed.  Yup, I've discussed that topic before and, it's definitely true of me.  So how do I expect to be able to impact, influence, or help people by spending so much time on FB?  I could have gotten in a lot of phone calls by now.  Or, anything really.  I know anyone reading this is probably thinking "duh" but that is ok.  At the ripe old age of 27,  I've been living and learning for a while now so I'm not ashamed.

I suppose I could have a FB life AND meaningful relationships.  But for now I'm just going to focus on the latter. 

Thank you for listening,
Breanne

Mudding, and so much more

Well, if I don't do this now...the memories will start to fade.  And I definitely don't want to forget the hell we put ourselves through...for $270.

For the record, this was all Kelly and Andy's idea....so the credit for the good, the bad and the ugly goes to them :)

We committed to and signed up for the Tough Mudder in early November....leaving us "plenty" of time to train and get in shape.  Then it was Thanksgiving, then it was Christmas and then it was Ellie.  Can't blame the weather, because we've had a beautiful winter.  Dave has the extra excuse of long hours at work.  Ok, never mind.  There's no excuse! We just didn't train very well.  Regardless, as we neared the date, we were just excited to go spend the weekend with some of our best friends.

Dave and I flew out of Wichita late Friday morning and arrived in Atlanta in the afternoon.  Can I just say I love traveling with my husband?  Always an adventure.  We have been to Atlanta quite a bit, and decided to just start driving east towards Washington, GA, the location of the infamous Tough Mudder Georgia.  As Dave drove, I used my iHand (Brandon named it that a while back.  he's right) to look up lunch spots/breweries in Athens.  Terrapin Brewery wasn't open until later in the day, but we found a little place called Trappeze Pub with a great draught beer menu.  The atmosphere reminded us of ABC in Ann Arbor.  And we had our own little booth with a door.  It was cool! Hey I appreciate the small, unique things.

After eating too much, we continued our drive toward Washington.  Good thing we already had the directions to the hotel in our phone because there was "less and less 3G" as we got closer :) We actually missed the turn onto this small little road that, when we turned around and got onto it, would lead us to the little plaza where our hotel was located.  It felt so cozy when we pulled in.  Washington, GA is a very small historic southern town (check it out here).  Our hotel, The Fitzpatrick Hotel, was originally opened in 1898 and renovated in 2002 after being closed for 50 years.  It opened again in 2004.  Dave and I LOVE places like this.  I have no idea how to describe this type of architecture besides saying "wood everywhere and wood floors" (Dave could), so I will just explain it the best way I know how...pictures.

The owners (at least the only two we met and talked with during our visit) are a husband and wife with 4 children (1 recently adopted from India).  She is Indian, with a Southern accent.  Unique! Anyway, they were just the nicest people and we talked with them for a while before settling into our room, which we of course got into with "regular" keys as opposed to plastic card ones.  So weird....it felt like home.  Then we grabbed another bite to eat about 25 feet away on the other side of the plaza at The Washington Jockey Club restaurant.  Greeted by so much southern hospitality and conversation (which I'm normally not even really interested in, to be honest.  But it's different when it's so genuine).  True Southern Hospitality (never experienced this in Warner Robins...).  It was such a nice change. 

Ran into this too, nice.  Noted.

We got back to our room well before 11 (if you planned on getting back later you had to make special arrangements with the owners to get in the front door! looking back, this would not have been a problem because they are the friendliest people in the world and would do anything).  We got to bed by 11 and set the alarm for 7.  We were supposed to be at the site 2 hours before our start time, which would be 0840.  Once we figured out that night that it was going to be colder than expected, we weren't really interested in standing around too long before.  Kelly and Andy met us at about 0820, at which point we were still just distracted by the fact that we got to see our great friends.  Then, denial was over.  We were actually doing this Tough Mudder thing.  We piled into our brand new rental (turned out to be an interesting choice later....NBD, nothing Resolve can't fix) and drove about 15 minutes down the road to the site.  As we got close to the driveway for the motocross park, we saw a huge lake and all gasped.  Like we didn't think we were going to get wet and muddy?? Oh we (at least I) had no idea though.  I'm really glad I didn't know what we were getting into.

Since I didn't bring my brain with me, or it was already half frozen, who knows, I forgot some stuff I needed in the car after we started walking toward the check-in point.  So we did a little loop back to the car (chance to escape, should have taken it).

We checked in, threw some Tough Mudder paint on our faces, went to the bathroom, got a pic

decided it was freezing and checked our bags so we could start.  Starting is the hardest part, right?? Right.  Let's go with that!  Thought about getting my free beer beforehand as a way to warm up a little, but I felt I should earn it.

We turned the corner to the starting wall....yeah they made us jump a wall before we even got the starting speech/pep talk thing.  Soooo, we did that.  They had us all take a knee, and went through safety points and motivational speeches.  He talked about how the event supports the Wounded Warrior Project and wounded warriors who had completed Tough Mudders....and about real heroes.  I was glad to be a part of an event that recognized the real heroes.  And it kicked off with the National Anthem, like any sporting event should.  I'll be honest, the "starting ceremonies" did a decent job of getting me pumped up.

Can't believe I've rambled this far and haven't gotten to the meat of the story.  But I actually don't think I want to do a play-by-play of the obstacles (can't really even remember the order) because the anticipation is half the fun if you plan on doing one.  Let me sort of summarize:  Run (for 12 miles), jump, fall in mud/deep water, slide through mud, get shocked a little, jump in "Arctic Enema" (glad I didn't really know the definition of that word before I jumped in.....) which was just flat out scary, trudge through thick mud waist deep, whine a little (yeah, broke that rule), repeat water & mud....25 obstacles total, have I given away too much?? The thing is, it's all on their website.  But I DIDN'T BOTHER PAYING ATTENTION BEFORE WE DID IT.  Haha.  I truly believe this was a blessing :)  The one last thing I will point out is that they DID write our bib numbers on our foreheads and arms in permanent marker in order to be able to "identify" our bodies, if necessary.  Thought it was sort of a joke, but I don't think so as your BIB easily rips off and there are some serious injuries...

I guess what I found to be the coolest as we all got more cold/freezing/hypothermic as the wind picked up and the temperatures dropped was that I really could not have done it without Dave, Kelly, Andy and their friend Phil, along with the other random dudes who hurled me over hay bales, pulled my shoe out of the mud (seriously could not get it out) and pulled me up muddy hills.  The guys helped me physically and Kelly helped me mentally as she took the "let's get this over with" mentality.  Normally that is the way I am with runs, but this was testing me for sure.  There were a couple points when I wasn't sure if I could make it....primarily due to temperature, but no one let that last long.  We did skip a couple things at the end, like jumping 30 feet or so into the lake.....this would have been awesome in warmer weather but I literally did not think my body could handle the cold shock again.  I felt slightly bad that we had to skip a few like this, but not really.  I think we pushed as much as we could.  The winds were so strong at the end...so cold.  Were we in Kansas?? It was annoying.

We all took the last challenge of Electroshock Therapy and got our orange finisher bands. Grabbed as many free protein bars as I could, only to find out that I couldn't bend my fingers to hold on to them, yet I managed to grab my free cold beer and endure the pain of holding THAT.  Ha.  I wanted more muddy pictures of us, but for once, I was not really giving a CRAP about pictures.  Because I don't think I had ever been so cold in my life.  We got our bags, got a quick pic (in which we all look way too clean), and went back to the car.  We managed to get our shoes off and leave those in the field (donation?).

Kelly and Andy came back to our room with us and we showered 2 at a time.  I think we no kidding considered going all at once (ok it went through my head.....in survival mode, no kidding).  And then, we all realized we would survive as feeling came back to the extremities, and core.  We all got dressed up in our finest sweatpants, and Andy even sported his new $2 CVS sandals he and Dave went to get because he forgot extra shoes.  We settled back into The Washington Jockey Club and got burgers, steaks, fries, and beers.  I read a sign at Bessie's today that said "Dogs are our only chance at picking our own relatives."  Disagreed! Andy and Kelly feel like our family. 

They went back to Winder, GA to stay with Andy's parents and we went back across the street to the hotel, but not before a stop at the restaurant there to have ice cream & a cupcake and coffee.  We talked with the hotel owners for about an hour after that (this was great except that my knees were in a tremendous amount of pain) before going back to our room for some R&R.  I didn't really want to leave this place.

The next morning, we got ready and drove to Winder to spend the afternoon with the Morrisons.  Finally got to meet James! Love him.  "If" we have kids, I can only hope he is half as cute and calm as sweet baby James.  It would have been a relaxing afternoon if Andy didn't make us watch The Walking Dead.  Kidding.  Definitely an interesting series.  His mom fed us delicious chili right after watching zombie guts, it was perfect! :)  

Our last stop with Andy, Kelly & James was Rocky Mountain Pizza Company in Atlanta.  Yum.

I always feel lucky after a perfect weekend with Dave, or great friends, or both.  We'll certainly never forget what we went through together.....it's kind of like a deployment.  But we decided we are Tough-er Mudders than if we had done it in warm weather.  Tough Mudder in semi-extreme conditions- check.

Tough Mudder 2013?  Summer event please.


http://toughmudder.com/

no use in worrying

On a light note, a couple of interesting things from today:

1) Took Teddy to the dog park, he did his "business" shortly after arriving, and immediately after that before I could get to it, another dog rolled in his "business"  Wow.  Glad that isn't my dog.  Awkward telling the owner. 
2) The ice cream man drove by.....it's January 5th

My pre-med exploration phase continued today.  Have to say it's been a bit of a rollercoaster this week.  Went from the pre-med advising appointment that gave me the wake up call (more just like the confirmation) telling me I really don't have any of the med school pre-reqs done.  To a great conversation with an old friend/roommate/current med student about her experiences, and getting more encouragement and very helpful information about post-baccalaureate programs.  To crying the next day thinking it might be impossible to do this if Dave and I are separated for 8 years. To today....when I read more of a new favorite blog of mine by "Old M.D. Girl" titled "the long road to medical school."  Been reading it for a couple months now.  In SEVERAL ways, I can relate to her, I find her posts humorous and her info, again, very useful.  I found a post on marriage, and another one about not her post-bac program, but her road to getting into medical school even before that, taking a couple science classes at a time.  And her reasons for recommending this route (as opposed to jumping into a post-bac program). 

I decided that I don't need to have this all figured out today.  Because that would be CRAZY.  I'll soon have a Master's degree under my belt and can hopefully just work on getting the clinical experience (paid and/or volunteer) I need anyway to be a good candidate.  I already have a doctor in mind who I want to shadow.  WHY do I get BIG ideas in my head and jump ahead of myself?  If I'm lucky, I'll shadow a doc and find that I can't stand working with patients anyway!  Just kidding.  (but wouldn't that make the decision easier??)  If it is meant to be, it is meant to be.  I'll figure it out, and no reason to get upset in the meantime.  We'll just keep Dave's AF clock ticking, and maybe by the time I figure it out he'll have 20 years in! :)

When confidence doesn't "work" in life

Ok, so maybe I have not always had the MOST confidence in the world.  On the flip side, even if I am very confident about something, I try to be humble.

So maybe that is why I have a problem with people with huge destructive egos.  When you are confident, but a complete ass, you are serving no one but yourself. And probably very few people like you.  Maybe you don't care, but they do, because they don't want to be around you.  When you don't listen to anyone but yourself, you are ignoring the value of those around you. It's one thing to have an opinion about everything, it's another to shut down everyone around you.  And another to be ignorant.  That is just icing on your ego cake.

I want to know who your parents are and what they do that makes you so damn special.

Just saying.  Confidence isn't everything.

*feeling better* :)

We own an Energizer Dog

Ok, so I know Teddy has been resting/miserable all week with me studying and not really getting any Teddy exercise time in (I took him to the park a couple times for about 20 minutes....but that pretty much does nothing, and he played with his buddy Tater once) but WOW.  I am continuously amazed/proud (hey, we've been training for years!) of how much this dog can RUN!

He has done 8 mile runs with me before, but that was because they were 8 mile training runs.  We didn't stop because of him.....I'm wondering, how far CAN this dog run?!

Today I took him to the park.  I threw the ball 20 times until he started to slow down (just a little bit) and then took him on a quick 1.5 mile run through through the park.  I think that was his "break" because he didn't seem tired, so I threw the ball 30 more times.  30.  As far as I could, with the Chuck It.  And, it's a little different than running 8 miles, because he all-out SPRINTS when we play fetch. 

He barely seemed phased by it.  But I was freezing.

He is like Super Endurance Dog.  Endurance, it runs in the family.  I hope he lives forever:-p He's such a great running buddy for me because he just keeps going and going and going...

Always been a swimmer, not a diver

I can quickly see this turning into my "road to med school blog" and then my "in med school" blog, as I won't have a life outside of it...ha! Oh and this is all still "if," of course...

I kind of just want to dive into it before I realize what I'm doing.  That sounds insane, and I don't think it's recommended.  Not really how I do things anyway.  I generally like to analyze every detail before making a decision.  But maybe I'm just sick of doing that?

Some humorous and inspiring things that have happened since I've been sharing this whole idea with people:

1) After telling her I was in a bad mood, Meghan telling me that she had some good news.  She was at the doctor for her yearly exam and.....nope, she isn't pregnant.  I thought that's what she was gonna say! No.  She told her doc (during her pap, mind you...ya know, pap small talk) about my 'med school aspirations' and she told Meghan I should go.  And Meghan tells me, all excited.  "I told my doc about you, and she said you should go!" Like, simple as that.  I laughed a lot, thinking...this woman doesn't know me.  But, at the same time, very cool. 

2)  Emily texting me and telling me she was stalking me on FB...and was wondering if I was still thinking about med school.  She told me I would be a rockstar.  How fun does that sound? :) Thanks, Em.

3) Rachel pointing out a young med student at Panera while we were studying, and me staring at her in admiration similar to the way a child stares at their hero :)  I seriously wanted to run up and talk to her.  Funny.

4) My professor who works with several doctors telling me he thinks there is a niche for me in that world and I would do well at it......that sort of made my day.


I sincerely hope this does not come across as bragging.  There is nothing to brag about, as I have not actually taken this leap yet.  But it's just exciting to hear encouragement from people who care, and even better, halfway believe it about myself too.

This is what we call "soul searching"

Following last week's meeting, I was so excited and confident about my ability to actually become a doctor (which may have come across in my post).  I know some people would say "well of course you could do it."  But if you really know me, you probably would be excited for me to have this type of revelation about myself:)

But that isn't all there is to it.  It's the external factors.  How long am I willing to live apart from Dave & Teddy?  Do I have time to get all the prerequisites done and still start at a decent age?  Am I willing to be pregnant during residency (let's face it, I would be in prime baby-making years...if not already later).  If you know me, you also probably wouldn't be surprised to know that immediately upon really considering this profession (more than just 'a thought') I started looking up "how this would work." Of course there are plenty of forums on the topic.  It was very interesting to read different tips and experiences.

Well this week, it feels closer to impossible.  Maybe I'm reading too many statistics on depression in medical students? :)

Most people (I would almost argue all people) need to be needed.  Some people might disagree, but I think it's human nature.  And I've always longed to make a difference.  When I was in the Air Force, it did get to a point where I felt needed.  But I certainly did not feel like I was making a difference.  It's important to be comfortable in what you are doing and know that you are working to your full potential.  Well, it's important for me.  Comes back to the infamous quote:

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

Well, I think the world DOES need more doctors.  But that fact aside, I think I would feel alive.  Directly being able to interact with people on a personal level, and getting to use 8 years of school and training and ongoing research to give them the best treatment I can.

I think another thing exciting to me about being a doctor despite the time and effort (and $) to get there is that not only would it be a constant challenge, but I really do think I would be good at it.  Something I was missing before.  What ever qualified me to be a good Communications Officer?  I was a good Officer, but I was not ok with not being passionate about Communications.  Because it was just a constant, tiring struggle/battle, not an exciting challenge. I was not alive.

Is going through 8 years of school really so bad if it makes you come out feeling alive (exhausted, but alive)?  Only I can make that call.  Shadow time.

Medical School

A couple weeks (vs months) between posts.  The goal is days.  Because this is therapeutic.

When I look back on my "journey" over the last 4 years (or maybe 8 if you count my time at Michigan), I really don't regret it at all.  I have doubted myself, over and over.  I started off in Engineering at Michigan and flopped.  I've come full circle today and have thought about engineering again.  But at the time I didn't even know why I was going to school for engineering (I believe the reason I chose it was because I was "good at math and science" according to high school guidance counselors.  My bad for not checking more into that...).  Well I'm old enough now to realize why that didn't work out.  I got a job in the Air Force that had nothing to do with my degree, which ended up being Movement Science (Air Force Officer standard....you're just leading people, "doesn't matter" what your degree is in).  Long story short, when I reflect on that time now, I was not happy with what I was doing for a couple reasons.  I was not trained in the field I was leading.  This was a big deal to me.  Additionally, regardless of how much training I had, I was in a position where I really couldn't change what I saw was wrong or not working. 

Like I mentioned, I'll keep that part "short."  But about a year ago, I was hungry for more education.  That is why I chose to go back to school at a good school nearby.  I didn't want an online degree because I wanted to get back in the classroom.  Fortunately for me, this was an option.  Although not always easy as I had to leave work early a lot to get to class.  I chose to go back to school for a Masters of Education in Exercise Science.  I saw this as an extension of my undergrad; and I just wanted to refresh what I had already learned and advance my education.  I was so excited to go back to school.  Call me crazy! I'm ok with that. It's about to get crazier.

Well as I got further and further into the degree, I was enjoying it.  I enjoyed the subject matter.  I didn't really enjoy people asking me what I was going to do with it, because I honestly didn't have an answer.  "Exercise Science" along with some certifications would allow me to be an "Exercise Physiologist."  What do they do, you're probably wondering.  No need to go into that either, really. (Ok, the American Society of Exercise Physiologists says "Exercise Physiology is the identification of physiological mechanisms underlying physical activity, the comprehensive delivery of treatment services concerned with the analysis, improvement, and maintenance of health and fitness, rehabilitation of heart disease and other diseases and/or disabilities, and the professional guidance and counsel of athletes and others interested in athletics, sports training, and human adaptability to acute and chronic exercise.").  No, I don't plan on being a personal trainer.  Don't need a Master's for that, and, I don't have interest in personal training.  No I don't plan on being a "gym teacher." My answer was pretty much no to every question I was asked, either because it wasn't the work of an exercise physiologist or because it wasn't my interest to apply it in that manner. But I love the material, and the concepts...and basically, how exercise fits into life...

My plan was to keep this short, but oh well:)  I've always thought off and on about almost every medical career field.  I used to "think" I wanted to be a Physical Therapist.  I've thought about Physician's Assistant, and Nursing.  And over the last few weeks, I've considered medical school.  What is really exciting is figuring what I do and don't want to do, and why.  For me, this has taken time.  But I think it's true for most people.

This evening, I met with a friend of Dave and I's who is an Air Force doctor.  Since considering this profession, I've been seeking out info from any docs I know!  What's making me lean toward this option is the ability to use the science to diagnose.  To use my exercise science background and beliefs in preventative medicine to treat patients.  I digress.  So, I was so excited walking away from this dinner "meeting" :) that I talked to Dave about it for 2 hours afterwards.  She was so awesome and it was a great conversation.  She kept apologizing for possibly boring me but I was anything but bored.  I was fascinated with everything.  What she really made me realize is that doctors march to the beat of a different drum.  But when have I not.  People will always discourage you from this profession.  "Why would you want to go to school that long? And it's a lot of money."  These are very valid points, and you must really want to be a doctor to go through with it, so I appreciate that honesty from a doctor.  But she talked me through it all.  She made me realize I would have a good shot of getting in.  She laid out several options for going through with it; she pointed out the cons AND the pros (I mention in that order because you really only hear about the cons usually).  She encouraged me to shadow some doctors. But she is a doctor and she was excited to talk about it.  It's up to me to figure out if it's what I want, but it was so refreshing to see and hear a glimpse of what I believe I would love about this profession.  Mostly, it was comforting to find someone who will guide me through THIS part of the journey...:)

I really believe that everything that happens to you shapes who you are;  my point in all this is that everything I have gone through has helped me get closer to, baby step by baby step, what I want to contribute to this very big world of ours.  And every step has given me a little more strength and confidence.  No journey is easy, but the challenge is really starting to feel worth it.

Dinner was on me.  A token of my appreciation for the huge inspiration I received. 

More to come.

You've Got a Friend in Me

So, perhaps we could have gotten into character a little more...Jessie could have winked, Woody could have engraved "Andy" on the bottom of his boot...

 ...and, Teddy would have probably made a good Bullseye, no? :)

Jessie and Woody

And then our friend pointed out that Jessie really likes Buzz....and I remembered that Woody and Jessie were more like "brother and sister" or "best friends." Oops.  Details, details.  The best friend part works out.  And as another good friend pointed out to Dave "You're an awesome Woody!" Good times.

Dave and I have never been the "biggest" Halloween people (I'm a bigger fan than he is, I think), but distance makes the heart grow fonder! Dave has been deployed for the last couple Halloweens, so I was excited for this year.  Dave was also deployed this year when I came up with the idea of being Woody and Jessie (actually, I believe the idea originated from a friend who said he looked like Woody in his cowboy jeans a few months back...)

So, even though Dave voted for me buying a Jessie costume with chaps included, I thought it would be cooler if we (he) made them.  Dave can sew (what can't he do?), but I don't think he wanted to "mess them up." I had all the confidence.  So, on the day of our friend's Halloween party (nothing like waiting to the last minute), we bought a sewing machine and Dave sewed my chaps!  So much cooler than buying the pre-made Jessie suit.  I wish I had taken a picture of him working on them....so impressive! Ok I'm done bragging for now (But don't they look good? :)

While Dave was laboring on the sewing machine, I was baking.  I wanted to contribute more than just alcohol to my friend Liz's party, ha!  Pretty sure a lot of people didn't want cake after filling up on her YUMMY 30 lbs of chili, but these (recipe here) got me into the spirit a little bit:

Our friend Randy went as Dave.  It was great.  See the resemblance??

Seriously the best witch EVER, my lovely friend Adinah (she had that face on all night....awesome).

Me with the host, the lovely Liz.

Our friends Matt and Katie.  Matt as Katie (Phantom of the Opera) and Katie as Matt (Pilot).  Clever!

Oh dear.

And every party needs a Scream guy.

Yeah there was a lil' extra cake.

Liz throws an excellent party! Great costumes, great music, great ambiance, great food, some other great photos maybe I won't post here, haha, and some great friends.  Happy Halloween. 

A Fallen Hero

I'll never forget the confusion and the heaviness I felt in my chest when an out-of-the-blue facebook post (a simple ":(" face) on my wall from an old friend led me to do some searching around...facebook. I was quickly able to conclude from the overwhelming amount of condolences on her cousin Meg's wall that Meg's brother Ian had passed away. My family used to vacation in the U.P. every summer with Meg and Ian's family when we were all just a bit younger.

Ian was a Marine who worked in an EOD unit. Explosive Ordnance Disposal. One of the ones who wears a bomb suit and disarms IEDs. One of the most dangerous jobs you can get. While I had lost touch with the McConnell family over the years, I followed Ian and Meg on facebook regularly. Imagine that. Me, on facebook. But it was Meg's facebook page that always kept me in the loop on when Ian was gone, and just how close they were and how much she adored him. This facebook connection was also what allowed me to catch up with Ian a little bit during his last deployment. He messaged me one day while I was just sittin' on the couch doing my hw...and naturally getting distracted by fb. Out in the middle of nowhere disarming bombs, I'm sure his unit had the ultimate Comm hook-up. One of the perks of putting your life on the line daily.

Of course I don't remember talking much about Ian....because he had plenty of questions for me about what I was up to and what was going on in my life. I'm sure any distraction from the stresses of that environment were welcomed. Ian did talk a little...I told him we want to go to Washington state for our next assignment and he told me how beautiful it is and that he would like to move there when he gets out of the USMC. We chatted a few different times, I sent him a care package, he told me I ROCKED (I sent him a care package, he disarms bombs for a living....who do you think is more awesome?), he mentioned wanting to buy me and Dave a beer some day (again, I think that one would be on us...but Ian was always that way...I even remember as a kid) we messaged back and forth a couple more times towards the end of his deployment/his way home...and that was it.

Ian committed suicide on July 6, 2011. He suffered from PTSD and had recently lost a best friend to the war (and I'm sure others previously). I don't know all of the other details and intricacies of what was going on in his life...but knowing his job and what he probably went through on multiple deployments was enough that it didn't come as a HUGE shock. Which is even MORE sad. It was a wake-up call that no matter how much love and support a person has, no matter how many people view you as a hero, a mentor, friend...no matter how much you positively impact other people's lives (this was all obviously the case with Ian), there is a mental condition that can take it all away. Can make the pain unbearable to live. As his sister put it, the PTSD killed him. I've really been struggling with how very very sad this is. This happens all of the time, but this time I happened to know the person. It struck me. How terribly, terribly sad it is. I just wanted to share this as awareness...that this problem is prevalent throughout the military. There are different levels of care, accessibility to services, etc. but the problem is serious. Bottom line. Ian is a casualty of war.

RIP Ian. My memories of you will always be of the happy times at Birch Shores. Your cheerful personality and distinct grin. Swimming to the island. Shooting the potato gun...ya know, trying to hit the raft. Skiing. Dinners on your #1 Cabin bluff. I'm just so sorry that we never got to reunite in person to catch up and reminisce. Thank you for your service.