Slow down and...taste the Key Lime Pie Ice Cream or Beer?

Last night, instead of actually blogging some of the thoughts flooding my mind lately, I think I spent over an hour just trying to come up with a name for this blog. As I sat there I also tried to figure out if I wanted to have a beer, or some Key Lime Pie Ice cream....not even remotely similar, except that they both make me happy. It was honestly a serious toss up...as though if I chose one, the other wouldn't be there tomorrow. I spent most of the day trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Not sure why I think this is going to happen in a day since I haven't figured it out in 25 years.

And I've spent much of the time I've been home since returning from Afghanistan researching a plethora of things... workouts, running races, triathlons, bikes (can't do a tri without a bike), cameras, barefoot running shoes, cooking recipes, mattresses (as I've mentioned, ours is evil), puppies...I could probably go on.

Am I afraid to step in one direction and keep going, or do I just have many interests? I think both. When I think about leaving the military and never doing communications ever again and doing rehabilitation therapy, I feel pretty excited. But the thought of leaving the Air Force and losing that security scares me (yes, I know I have Dave). Then of course I think about the (few) things I will miss.

And while I'm attempting to relax, take time for myself, and explore my hobbies...I'm not actually doing as much as I am finding things I'm going to do and going to use. While this is ok, am I actually ever living and enjoying the moment? I think not. Doesn't feel like it.

What is the balance between living and planning for the future? Because my life feels out of balance. It's made me think about need vs. want. Both materialistically and in terms of how I live. Right now, I NEED to figure out the next step in terms of my career. For my own well-being, and frankly, for this world. (A quote I frequently run into: 'Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.' ~Howard Thurman). I NEED a new mattress (check!) so that I can actually sleep and be functional the next day. Maybe I shouldn't be focusing as much on picking up triathlons as my new hobby and just stick with the running shoes I know. They've been good to me.

Goal: Slow down. Live in the moment.

Oh, and I chose the Key lime Pie ice cream. I definitely lived in that moment.

Can't keep up with time

Too many blogs...not enough blogging. It takes an effort I am not putting in...

Since 28 June 2009...let's see, I'll pick up where I left off: bought a house, wedding in Traverse City (woohooo!), Wichita 1/2 Marathon, road trip with Teddy/Chicago Marathon....Kandahar deployment- a 6 month experience I'm not sure how to describe. For those of you who have done it- can you? Learned to appreciate what I didn't appreciate, learned to appreciate things more that I did not appreciate enough, not take life for granted and really felt a fire under me to support the troops while I was closer to them, so I raised $5K for The Chance Phelps Foundation. As much as I joke that it is 6 months of my life that I will never get back, that is ok. I don't need it back.

Now it is time to get back to my family. It is an odd feeling going back and I'm trying to prepare...overwhelmed with excitement, yet not really sure how I've changed, or how everything else has changed. When I was gone, everything felt like it was on hold back home. Like it was on pause and now I'll just hit play and keep going. But I know that isn't the case. Even though MY life was on hold, the rest of the world kept going.

Regardless, I'm fairly certain that seeing Dave at the airport in a little over 48 hours will be one of, if not THE, most wonderful moment of my life.