Well I didn't do the 3 hours of swimming and running workouts I was supposed to do today. But it's all good because I went on a cleaning rampage and cleaned the house..folded the laundry, did the dishes, vaccumed and mopped the floors. Wtf am I doing?? Somehow I do not think that is a suitable replacement. Yeah, it's not.
This past week, I hit an entirely new low for training motivation. Odd, because normally I am just training for runs...marathons....and doing a whole lot of running. Now I'm swimming, biking and running each 3 times/week. More variety, but the workouts don't change a whole lot from week to week. I understand the monotony of the workouts....they pretty much stay the same but increase in duration/intensity/etc. each week....basic training progression principles. I felt like I was doing awesome for the first 6 or so weeks. Then BAM. I just got super bored. I took a random rest day on Wednesday (normally on Saturdays). And then today....well, I cleaned the house.
And did self-massage with the Aveda blue oil. Ever since yesterday, I've had this nagging dull pain on the back left side of my head. It felt like stress.....but in my head, not my upper back, shoulder and neck (like usual). Dave gave me a nice massage last night, but today the pain had just moved to where it normally is (neck). So annoying. I actually need a massage. I miss you Jaime!
I've always found motivation from within to get it done. And it's never been that difficult, to be honest. Because I seriously really enjoy working out. But the enjoyment factor is what seemed to have changed, so I was kind of at a loss when it happened. Someone telling me to just "go do it" was not going to help. Actually, that doesn't work for most people (reference coaching principles). So naturally, I turned to the internet....google...triathlon training forums. I found some good feedback, info and advice for getting through something like this. Turns out, I'm not the first one who this has happened to.....crazy.
One post recommended affirmations. And an inspiration wall. I'm starting there. That's right, I'm going to print out a bunch of pictures of me being awesome, and inspirational quotes...and hang a poster on my wall. Also, taking a break from structured training. One could argue my non-scheduled rest days count for this....but from now on, if I feel unmotivated to complete the workout of the day, I will still do something that doesn't seem as boring. Until I can get back to where I was, enjoying each swim, bike and run.
What really felt good was accepting this as a new challange in a training program. Not a reason to get discouraged. To be quite honest, this was the one thing I felt I had control of in this phase of my life and I refuse to let this get the best of me. It felt good to accept that I can just pick back up tomorrow and (although it might hurt a tiny bit since I've been a SLACKER) it's ok and I'll get back on track. I have been spending time with wonderful friends recently, and cleaning up the house and making dinner for my husband today felt like a little needed balance/organization to everything.
It feels good to keep the control. As best as I can, anyway. I'm looking forward to this week and pushing myself through this rut. I know there are some other factors playing into this struggle, like some depression. But that is probably for another post. Because that is a whole separate topic that I'd rather blog about than discuss. Why? Well, stay tuned. To my blog.
So my point here is......just keep on keeping on :)
Monday, March 25, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I Cried
Tonight, I cried unexpectedly. I wasn't really shocked; I'm kind of an emotional person. Plud I'd had a couple.
But I was hanging out at the bar with my new, awesome, crazy friend (I swear, she is my twin from England). Somehow, we got on the topic of seeing family, family visiting and visiting family when "back home." I talked to her about how it's "a little" stressful when we go back home, as both of our parents are divorced so there are just a lot of people to split our time amongst (geez, is that proper English??)
I also mentioned how it's sad that no one really visits us. I mentioned the last time my Dad visited us was when I got back from my deployment in 2010, and it was immediately after Dave and I got back from Atlanta. We were driving back 18 hours after Dave picked me up there and we picked up Teddy from our friend's house in my old stomping grounds, Warner Robins, when he informed me we would have visitors. I was a little annoyed that we had a very limited amount of time together back home before they showed up 2 days later. Maybe that makes me ungrateful or unappreciative, but those were my true feelings at the time. I felt a little suffocated after getting back to the States after 6 months in the lovely country of Afghanistan.
I then went on to say that it's frustrating to feel....frustrated. We want to see family more often, but the circumstances always feel stressful as we don't feel they always understand where we are coming from.
My lovely friend (who lost her father a couple years ago) immediately reminded me of the most important part. I'm my Dad's little girl. Since I was born, it's been his job to protect me. After 6 months of being able to do nothing to protect me in a war zone, he just wanted to see me and that is all he was thinking about. I think that is probably true? :) The tears flowed. 3 years later.
I miss you Dad. I love you.
Tell your loved ones you love them.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Scattegories
I came up with a new way of dumping! Categories :)
Inspiration: Amanda Beard. I finished her book yesterday "In the Water They Can't See You Cry." A couple days before I finished "No Easy Day," obviously super inspirational in a completely different way. But Amanda's book is outstanding....I really admire how she shared so many things. I could relate to many of her feelings (no I don't cut myself or throw up my food) and her journey to becoming a happier person was so awesome to read about. If I was a 4-time Olympian with 7 medals maybe I would write a book about how I feel broken. I don't have the world-famous accomplishments to go with my story. But she put it out there, and I find the memoir a fascinating account of psychological issues that probably everyone goes through at some level.
Yummy: I made the best smoothie of my life last night. It must be the magic of the Bullet. Get one.
Dogs: Ellie and I started another class on Monday, Focus and Connecting with Your Dog. It is a class required before some of the agility stuff, and it seems like some of the things we will be doing she has already learned.....but #itsprobablyfine. Lord knows she could always use more FOCUS. We'll see how the second class goes and if I feel it isn't challenging her enough I'll see if she can "test out of it." Haha. Either way, it's really great having that time with her each week. She listens better than Teddy at this point.
On that note. today we went to the dog park and there were 2 men that I stood around talking to for a while. I was thinking "See Teddy, males are ok." I keep hoping that the more I take him to the park/expose him to men (even though we've been doing that for years in 3 different states?), the less he will freak out about nothing and men and noises and everything. But I guess it's a different environment. Inside the house, he barks at car doors slamming outside. When the neighbors come home. Ellie only goes nuts when people are in sight and I really think she is protecting us, and then when I tell her to stop I can usually get her to stop. Not him. So I feel Teddy needs more work. That is one of the things we're working on in class (getting your dog's attention and calming them down when necessary). So.....maybe I should just show up with Teddy next week.
Additionally, Teddy and Ellie have weird dynamics. At home, she cuddles (spoons) with him all day, goes in his crate, lays on him, licks him, loves him. He looks annoyed. But maybe that is just Teddy's face. Because when we go out to the park, she runs around and wants to play with all the dogs. Teddy seems to get possessive and jealous. Like a boyfriend? What the heck Teddy. It's so odd. A little insecure, are we?
Anyway, I love dogs. Can you tell? Lately I've been thinking I should get a job working with dogs. I'd probably be a happier person.
Training: Talked myself out of my swim today after almost talking myself out of my workouts yesterday. Not sure if I'm listening to my body or being lazy (I've never done this much training that isn't all running....my specialty), but I also took a nap and got a (skinny) hazelnut machiatto at Starbucks. Shit. Oh well. Yesterday I woke up so tired I felt paralyzed, and then today I had a dream during my nap that I was that tired again and couldn't move. What??? I have no idea. Broccoli and Cheese Potato soup should snap me right out of this crap, correct?
Found out last week this base has a Bod Pod. I've measured my body fat with calipers, hydrostatic weighing and a DEXA scan (twice) over the years and it has never been as high as the measurement this accurate Bod Pod gave me this morning. I've been training pretty hard, but I also know nutrition plays a bigger role than I ever liked to admit prior to my last marathon. I know my body pretty well, how I've been training/eating compared to the past, etc and I'm not freaking out yet. I'll go back in a month and see....if it's still that high I'm going to either just let it go or question them. I am not saying it isn't higher than I think, so we'll see after a month of cutting out lots of shitty foods again.
Feeling like shit: See above. Monday I woke up at 5. Monday was amazing. Tuesday morning I woke up super early...starved, nauseous. Did I eat too late the night before? I don't know. Was never a problem before. Is this because I'm 28 now? Seriously this sucks. Couldn't get up until 9. Felt ok, not fabulous. Then at about 11:30 I microwaved an empty mug instead of putting water in it first. Apparently, not ok. You probably don't care about any of this, but hopefully you find the empty mug part funny.
Firsts: Today, I sneezed shortly after my hazelnut macchiato. Onto my white long-sleeved shirt. Coffee on my white shirt. Moral of the story: Be careful when and where you sneeze.
Favorites: My favorite part of the day is falling asleep with my husband after talking for about a half hour each night. It makes nothing else seem important.
Good night!
Inspiration: Amanda Beard. I finished her book yesterday "In the Water They Can't See You Cry." A couple days before I finished "No Easy Day," obviously super inspirational in a completely different way. But Amanda's book is outstanding....I really admire how she shared so many things. I could relate to many of her feelings (no I don't cut myself or throw up my food) and her journey to becoming a happier person was so awesome to read about. If I was a 4-time Olympian with 7 medals maybe I would write a book about how I feel broken. I don't have the world-famous accomplishments to go with my story. But she put it out there, and I find the memoir a fascinating account of psychological issues that probably everyone goes through at some level.
Yummy: I made the best smoothie of my life last night. It must be the magic of the Bullet. Get one.
Dogs: Ellie and I started another class on Monday, Focus and Connecting with Your Dog. It is a class required before some of the agility stuff, and it seems like some of the things we will be doing she has already learned.....but #itsprobablyfine. Lord knows she could always use more FOCUS. We'll see how the second class goes and if I feel it isn't challenging her enough I'll see if she can "test out of it." Haha. Either way, it's really great having that time with her each week. She listens better than Teddy at this point.
On that note. today we went to the dog park and there were 2 men that I stood around talking to for a while. I was thinking "See Teddy, males are ok." I keep hoping that the more I take him to the park/expose him to men (even though we've been doing that for years in 3 different states?), the less he will freak out about nothing and men and noises and everything. But I guess it's a different environment. Inside the house, he barks at car doors slamming outside. When the neighbors come home. Ellie only goes nuts when people are in sight and I really think she is protecting us, and then when I tell her to stop I can usually get her to stop. Not him. So I feel Teddy needs more work. That is one of the things we're working on in class (getting your dog's attention and calming them down when necessary). So.....maybe I should just show up with Teddy next week.
Additionally, Teddy and Ellie have weird dynamics. At home, she cuddles (spoons) with him all day, goes in his crate, lays on him, licks him, loves him. He looks annoyed. But maybe that is just Teddy's face. Because when we go out to the park, she runs around and wants to play with all the dogs. Teddy seems to get possessive and jealous. Like a boyfriend? What the heck Teddy. It's so odd. A little insecure, are we?
Anyway, I love dogs. Can you tell? Lately I've been thinking I should get a job working with dogs. I'd probably be a happier person.
Training: Talked myself out of my swim today after almost talking myself out of my workouts yesterday. Not sure if I'm listening to my body or being lazy (I've never done this much training that isn't all running....my specialty), but I also took a nap and got a (skinny) hazelnut machiatto at Starbucks. Shit. Oh well. Yesterday I woke up so tired I felt paralyzed, and then today I had a dream during my nap that I was that tired again and couldn't move. What??? I have no idea. Broccoli and Cheese Potato soup should snap me right out of this crap, correct?
Found out last week this base has a Bod Pod. I've measured my body fat with calipers, hydrostatic weighing and a DEXA scan (twice) over the years and it has never been as high as the measurement this accurate Bod Pod gave me this morning. I've been training pretty hard, but I also know nutrition plays a bigger role than I ever liked to admit prior to my last marathon. I know my body pretty well, how I've been training/eating compared to the past, etc and I'm not freaking out yet. I'll go back in a month and see....if it's still that high I'm going to either just let it go or question them. I am not saying it isn't higher than I think, so we'll see after a month of cutting out lots of shitty foods again.
Feeling like shit: See above. Monday I woke up at 5. Monday was amazing. Tuesday morning I woke up super early...starved, nauseous. Did I eat too late the night before? I don't know. Was never a problem before. Is this because I'm 28 now? Seriously this sucks. Couldn't get up until 9. Felt ok, not fabulous. Then at about 11:30 I microwaved an empty mug instead of putting water in it first. Apparently, not ok. You probably don't care about any of this, but hopefully you find the empty mug part funny.
Firsts: Today, I sneezed shortly after my hazelnut macchiato. Onto my white long-sleeved shirt. Coffee on my white shirt. Moral of the story: Be careful when and where you sneeze.
Favorites: My favorite part of the day is falling asleep with my husband after talking for about a half hour each night. It makes nothing else seem important.
Good night!
Monday, March 4, 2013
5 Things
- Last night's quick 2.5 mile run.....WHY DIDN'T I HAVE MY PHONE WITH ME? The most amazing sky I think I have ever seen. Just pink and purple. I guess sometimes you have to just tell people about it. (seriously, why didn't I have my phone?)
- I was up at 5, and feeling great about the possibilities of what I could accomplish between then and 4.5 hours later, which is when I might normally roll out. Overall, it was great. But by 7:30 I was wanting Baileys in my coffee. Hmmm. Withdrawals from not having a bottle of wine the night before? Maybe.
- I've been thinking...my hair is still too long. Weird. I think more is coming off.
- The weather is beautiful and it seems like Spring is here. Haven't gotten snow in a few weeks and the grass is looking green-ish already. Yeah definitely not in Kansas. I've heard it's so beautiful here in the Summer, so I'm torn.....more snow, because that is awesome too and I want to ski again. Or....sun and flowers? I love this State.
- On that note, I'm really scrambling to finish up some scarves I'm working on. Scarves by Breanne....coming Summer 2013! :)
I like this "5 Things" idea. An opportunity to dump in a nice list form.
- I was up at 5, and feeling great about the possibilities of what I could accomplish between then and 4.5 hours later, which is when I might normally roll out. Overall, it was great. But by 7:30 I was wanting Baileys in my coffee. Hmmm. Withdrawals from not having a bottle of wine the night before? Maybe.
- I've been thinking...my hair is still too long. Weird. I think more is coming off.
- The weather is beautiful and it seems like Spring is here. Haven't gotten snow in a few weeks and the grass is looking green-ish already. Yeah definitely not in Kansas. I've heard it's so beautiful here in the Summer, so I'm torn.....more snow, because that is awesome too and I want to ski again. Or....sun and flowers? I love this State.
- On that note, I'm really scrambling to finish up some scarves I'm working on. Scarves by Breanne....coming Summer 2013! :)
I like this "5 Things" idea. An opportunity to dump in a nice list form.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Freedom for All
Last weekend we headed out West again to Leavenworth, Washington. Even though we looked up a few different trails, we went with the familiar and went on the same one I went on a few weeks ago. Beautiful enough for me, and Dave hadn't seen the area yet. It looked like there was a little less snow and there were others without snowshoes so we decided to go without them. They would have been helpful in a couple places, especially on the way back down when we were sort of sliding everywhere. But why am I writing so much? Words can't do this place justice:
Best part- Dave told me later he forgot he was in Weapons School for a couple hours when we were out there. Win. Mental break and workout needed. We all escaped together and had a blast.
Then we really got adventurous and went back to Munchen Haus :) This time I tried some Icicle beer instead of the yummy hot red German wine stuff (Gluehwein) and a different kind of brat. There are so many choices, so many mustards/sauces. I got the CurryWurst (Jen!) and a Kolsh beer. And then a Bootjack IPA. And then a Bavarian Cowboy Pale Ale at the brewery a couple blocks away. And then I stopped...
I just love the feel of this little Bavarian village/town. I thought of it as Washington's Frankenmuth. I will say the mountain location might give it a leg-up.
I capped everything off with a Shamrock shake on our way out. We got a small fry and split it between the 5 of us :) The dogs never really get human food, but a fry here and there is sort of a treat/tradition. I used to give them to Teddy on our long drives out to Columbus to visit Dave. Seemed like a good idea to go all out in one day.
Then on the way back we had more quality time for conversation and good music :)
David Gray. I forgot how soothing his voice is. I'm listening to him now.
Passenger- Let Her Go. I'm obsessed with this song. We take things for granted.
Elton John- I'm Still Standing, Daniel
I changed the lyrics to "Daniel" to "Dave." I always like to bring up his luxurious trips to Spain. Dave said I was going to end up on Dateline.
Dave is traveling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Dave waving goodbye.....
They say Spain is pretty though I've never been
Well Dave says it's the best place that he's ever seen
Oh and he should know, he's been there enough...
Bwahaha.
Sunday. Dave back to Weapons School for a week, me back to my blurry cloud (too bad that's not 'currywurst') of working out, knitting, reading, playing with the dogs and drinking wine :) I live for these family days together.
 |
| Where's Ellie? |
 |
| FREEEEEDOM |
Can't say we weren't thinking about the brats and beer we were "earning" along the way. But it was a beautiful sunny day and a great hike. About 6.5 miles (didn't go quite as far up as last time because the snow started getting deep and I was falling all over the place and the dogs were sinking).
Then we really got adventurous and went back to Munchen Haus :) This time I tried some Icicle beer instead of the yummy hot red German wine stuff (Gluehwein) and a different kind of brat. There are so many choices, so many mustards/sauces. I got the CurryWurst (Jen!) and a Kolsh beer. And then a Bootjack IPA. And then a Bavarian Cowboy Pale Ale at the brewery a couple blocks away. And then I stopped...
I capped everything off with a Shamrock shake on our way out. We got a small fry and split it between the 5 of us :) The dogs never really get human food, but a fry here and there is sort of a treat/tradition. I used to give them to Teddy on our long drives out to Columbus to visit Dave. Seemed like a good idea to go all out in one day.
Then on the way back we had more quality time for conversation and good music :)
David Gray. I forgot how soothing his voice is. I'm listening to him now.
Passenger- Let Her Go. I'm obsessed with this song. We take things for granted.
Elton John- I'm Still Standing, Daniel
I changed the lyrics to "Daniel" to "Dave." I always like to bring up his luxurious trips to Spain. Dave said I was going to end up on Dateline.
Dave is traveling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Dave waving goodbye.....
They say Spain is pretty though I've never been
Well Dave says it's the best place that he's ever seen
Oh and he should know, he's been there enough...
Bwahaha.
Sunday. Dave back to Weapons School for a week, me back to my blurry cloud (too bad that's not 'currywurst') of working out, knitting, reading, playing with the dogs and drinking wine :) I live for these family days together.
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