this and that

So, back on FB.  I decided rather than run from the devil I would just face it head on! Ha.  Everything stated before still applies, but....I'm just viewing or approaching, in my own mind, use of this social media differently.

School will be "over" in a couple weeks, and I'm relieved for now.  I do need a break, at the least.  I've been looking for jobs, not looking too good.  I applied for a Healthy Lifestyle Coach job at the YMCA about a month ago.  It was really nice of them to never get back to me, particularly after I followed up.  I guess that is just the world of job-hunting.  I'm going to keep looking for internships that don't really exist here (in exercise phys, anyway) and any other jobs here and there that pop up related to my field and just keep my head up.  My first choice would be to work at the local running store until we move.  Going to see if they'll take me. 

So I have a question.  If I bought Anatomy flash cards for a class I already took, because I borrowed them the first time around and just want my own set, what does that mean?  Does that mean I want to be a doctor?!

Or, what if my heart beats a million beats per minute every time I call the doctor's office of the doctor who I want to shadow because I am just excited/anxious? What does THAT mean?  Then, calling the doctor directly on his cell phone.....almost killed me.  But, I survived the call and should be shadowing this next week.  Super excited.

What if I am barely finished with my Masters degree and kind of want a break from school, but basically want more school? Is that it? Is that confirmation that I want to be a doctor? Or just that I'm sick??

Well, lost as ever.  And I know none of those things mean I want to be a doctor.  Just desperately looking for that feeling, one way or another, that will tell me what I'm supposed to do.  Or are we ever REALLY sure?

But, at the same time.....feeling way more at peace with all of the unknowns.  We should find out at any point over the summer, hopefully sooner than later, where we will be headed next.  Our first two preferences are Birmingham, AL and Tampa, FL.  Might still be switching the order of those...:) But those give me the best options for school and/or internships/jobs, so I feel good about that.  I am really grateful to have such a supportive husband.    

I'm still exploring many options....it's just that med school thoughts will not go away, and well, it's just the most intense of all the things I'm considering.  So there ya go.  Just kind of curious if that is going to be my future.

Things I am not looking forward to: selling the house and.....yeah that's about it.  I am sure Teddy and Ellie will cooperate when trying to keep the house show-ready.  The fact that I can fill the Dyson on a daily basis worries me just a little.  Other than that, I (we, I believe) am really ready to get out of Wichita and get a fresh start again.  The thought of that makes me really happy.  This assignment has not been bad, just ready to go. 

Dave's Dad stopped here this past week on his way back to L.A. and we had a wonderful meal and discussion.  We talked about school, careers, having babies (I figure it's always good any time Dave gets to hear his father talk about how much he enjoyed having children :)....and I am starting to find the shared perspective of EVERY parent I talk to kind of fascinating). It was really nice to see him. 

Now that Dave kicked butt at instructor school, I guess it's his time to go to SOS (a "professional development" school) in early June .  It's about 7 weeks. That lovely school is at Maxwell AFB, so I will probably take a trip there at some point.  Duration of visit dependent on whether or not I have a job.  We actually have a lot of good memories from the South, even though we both claim we don't particularly "like it," so I'm looking forward to visiting, seeing Andy and Kelly and reminding myself of the wonderful humidity we will have if we go to AL or FL.  But, I argue that it isn't much better here anyway. 

So, life is good.  We've been tornado free for a couple weeks :) I am ashamed of my lack of running in the last couple weeks...don't really have a reason or excuse. While I do love it and it makes me feel great, it is still an effort to keep up that routine.  I shall try harder.

That's the random Clark family update.  And here are some photos taken by Dave's Dad when he was here:

Air Force Family

I really love to sit back and reflect on my life experiences, and especially my emotions and feelings about those experiences.  How did I become who I am today?  What has dictated who I have close relationships with, and what could I be doing better as a friend, a family member, a spouse, etc? Yes, I'm constantly thinking about this stuff.  I guess....because I want to be good at all of those roles.

Over the last few months I've really been evaluating why I've basically felt isolated, and, lonely pretty much.  As some know, I "struggled" with this last Christmas a little bit.  We hadn't been home for it in a few years (deployments, and then just not getting leave last year).  So, when I found out Dave couldn't get leave for Christmas, I was really upset.  Basically, I just wanted to spend Christmas with my Grandma.  And, all of my family.  Because life is just too short and it had been too long.  Well, we did end up getting to go home because Dave's Grandma was not doing well at the time.  Not great circumstances,  which made me feel kind of bad, but we got to go.  But every time we have not gone home, not been able to go home, or thought we weren't going to go home, we've had invitations to spend holidays with wonderful friends.  What more can I really ask for?

I chose a military lifestyle, "knowing" it wouldn't be easy (although sometimes reality is a little different).  When I left the AF, it didn't change much in terms of the lifestyle as Dave is still serving.  I admit....was kind of thinking "this sucks" for a few months. But, that was a shallow feeling.  Because I am very proud of him, and I know part of me wishes I had the experience he is having and that staying in was the right thing for me too (even though I still know it was not).  While I am still sorting through and reflecting on my AF experience from time to time, I have been reminded over and over that the AF has given us wonderful, WONDERFUL friends.  Through my experiences, through Dave's experiences and through our experiences.  It is true what people say.  It really is a family.

So, lonely, you say?

I often wish I was closer to all of my extended family.  Which I guess goes along with my desire to see them more often...holidays maybe? Not usually.  I think of them often, I follow them on FB, see all of them commenting on each others posts (sounds pathetic, but whatever), and pay attention....but it doesn't feel reciprocated.  I know selfless people "don't care" about reciprocation, but relationships are two way streets.  And there is nothing connecting us.  I'll be honest at this point, I just don't know how to make that happen (the closer part).  When we go home, we struggle just to see all our parents, siblings and grandparents as much as we would like.  Life is just the way it is.  And in our world, blood is just not always family.  At least in the sense of taking care of each other. 

Friends are the family you choose.  And recently I've been starting to feel like some of my friends (not just Air Force friends) are like angels.  No matter what happens or what I do, they are there.  They are honest.  They help me grow and give me confidence to go in the direction of my dreams.  They see the true me.  On the other side, I admire the types of friends and people they are and aspire to be more like them.  More caring.  More forgiving.  Less selfish.  As long as I keep working on these things, I'm going to stop being so hard on myself and always wondering what I'm doing wrong.  And just live and try to be better every day.

I felt especially grateful for the AF family (from all over the country) who checked up on me last night during the tornadoes.  It meant a lot, and I decided I'm going to start tracking the national weather so that I know when our loved ones (family and friends) are in danger.  I don't want to be oblivious.  Tornadoes are real.  Natural disasters are real.  Life happens and life is too short.  Just something to pay attention to that can mean a lot to people.  I now know that.  Oh and some of that blood family called too :D Oh, and grateful for Aimee too who thought it would be good to get together while the guys (our pilots) were gone and hang out with the dogs in the basement.  Excellent idea.  I don't normally panic too much, but I think I would have last night if I was by myself.

I am excited to move in the direction of health care and care for people in a different way, and hopefully be a part of something a little bigger than myself, just in a different and better capacity for me.  Who knows, maybe I will go back into the service one day in that different capacity.  I title this post "AF Family" because they are such a huge part of my life.  I am part of it in a different way now but will always have the friends the AF gave me (I always say the best thing they gave me).

What are your thoughts on health care reform?

I feel like it is my responsibility to share this video with my fellow Americans.  Slightly dated, but still so, so relevant.  Especially with so many people running around 100% against the Health Care Reform (the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare).  I think it's "funny" (sad, really) and ignorant.  I am by no means stating that it is perfect, or that I know everything (I never, ever claim that) but I want to hear better ideas.  Not likely to come from the greedy, though.  Anyway, before I start screaming from my soapbox, here it is, with some better ideas.  Yes, sometimes other countries have better ideas: 

Frontline: Sick Around the World

 I don't normally get into politics publicly, but this issue has got me reeled in.

1) I like this T.R. Reid guy (correspondent)
2) I don't understand why this is so difficult for the U.S. to figure out.  Well, I do understand.  But it makes me a little sick.  Only because we (as a whole) are clearly just too stubborn on this issue at the expense of so many, and in the end, all U.S. citizens.  Money and politics are so nasty.  If you choose to watch this 60 minute video about how our health care system (or lack thereof) compares to healthcare in other countries I would love to hear reasons why some of these ideas won't work.  Because I can't think of many, if any really.  Seriously.  Ranked 37th in the world.  Nice.

WHY ARE WE DRAGGING THIS OUT???

3) I am proud to say that if I become a doctor, it is not for the money.  On the other hand, if doctors feel like they are not being compensated enough, I feel that endangers the quality of care.  So....I don't know.  My personal opinion is that too many doctors become doctors to become rich (I would like to think that is sort of a thing of the past, but not sure).  I say too many-definitely not all, but too many.  In order for us to get out of this mess, some doctors will need to accept less.  

I'll let the video speak for itself. 

Thriving

Is it possible that I have completely exhausted myself from drowning myself in an exploration of every educational program (M.D., D.O., M.P.H., PhD, CPO....I could go on) and internship in exercise-related fields (cardiac rehab, wellness) in every state?  I think so.  I've been doing this for months.  My head hurts.  Why am I doing this?  I'm obviously looking to "thrive," and would like to do this by really making an impact through healthcare either at the individual or community level. 

Oh yeah, I've also explored every possible certification that could help me.  Certification through Wellcoaches is one of them (Margaret Moore in the video is the CEO of that company). This is a company that teaches health professionals how to use basic coaching skills.  I personally feel this is very important for anyone working with patients. Who wants to go see a robot or someone who isn't motivating??  There are several coaching certifications, but I'm leading towards this one because it is endorsed by the American College of Sports Medicine, which is the largest sports medicine and exercise science organization in the world.  The gold standard, if you will.  Well, I feel this will help me whether I get certified as an exercise physiologist or become a doctor or anything else working with patients.

I digress.  I've realized that I seriously do not know how to sit down and work through all my "options" and figure out what is right for me.  Who would have thought that being attached to the military would make this difficult??? Not complaining.  I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to figure this out.  Not only are my options limited (yes even with all of the degrees/paths listed above..guess they do not like to place KC-135 bases near large academic institutions.  I can't believe they didn't think of the Clarks when they did that)....I could come up with a huge plan, and then we get moved to a different base.  How do I base my actions/preparation now off of something I don't even know yet (next location)?  I try to come up with options with the most amount of flexibility/overlap, but yikes.  So I could just wait.  But, I need to keep the ball rolling.  I don't want to lose momentum.

I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor who I really want to shadow.  So I'm still trying to get that going.  I should just be focusing on graduating next month, but I'm preoccupied being stressed about what is next.  Because unfortunately, my degree alone is not going to really qualify me to do much.  These are my options as I see now:

1) Don't throw exercise science/physiology out the window yet.  I've been steering away from this for 2 reasons.  There are not a lot of opportunities for them here in KS, or in many of the locations we could move.  Right now, most opportunities are in big cities with big hospitals with cardiac rehabilitation, or other large medical facilities with fitness centers, etc.  BUT, I am currently working on a policy investigation for my Public Health class and learning about legislation for licensing for exercise physiologists in certain states, and how this quickly growing field is going to grow more with the Health Care Reform.  Whether you like the Affordable Care Act or not for one reason or another, there is no denying the need for more preventive care in our country and that is one thing it incorporates....more coverage for preventive services, screenings, wellness programs for employers, etc.  Meaning more jobs for people in my field.

SO, my point is....there are really exciting changes and hopefully near future growth in this field.  Should I give up on it or try to become active in it's growth? I am learning how to advocate for policy change through my policy class and this investigation and maybe I can start this in whatever state we end up in, or join the advocacy if it already exists.  I feel like the only way to begin answering this question is to find an internship (none here, and I'd probably go back to MI for it because there are several opportunities there) and get the experience I need to find work anyway, that will hopefully help me figure out if that will be it for me or I want something in a different capacity.  

2) Combine my exercise science education with more public health background (Masters or Doctorate in Public Health) or research (several PhD programs that interest me).  Before I really started looking at all this, we wanted to go to Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA next.  Dave likes the area, I really like what I've heard about the area, beautiful weather....all good things.  Except....not really many school opportunities (or work in exercise science).  AHH.  So, I've come to the conclusion that Birmingham, AL and Tampa, FL (both possible locations for Dave) have SEVERAL choices for work or more education.  Neither one of us has ever claimed to be a big fan of the South and I hate humidity, but honestly I've not even factored in weather or any other geographical factors in any of my decision making the last couple months.  I know, that's a good thing....because if that was my top priority there would be a problem.  And for some reason, going back to the South seems kind of fun to me (side note: we would be close to Andy and Kelly. win.).  The programs (M.D., PhD, MPH) at University of Alabama at Birmingham and University of South Florida look really exciting.  Living in Washington sounds great, but maybe later, right? AF will own us for a while. 

3) Go right on ahead to beautiful Spokane, give myself more time to figure all this out (although I don't want a huge break), possibly try to get into the Orthotics/Prosthetics program at Northwestern which is partly online and then 11 months on campus (Brandon and Julie, can I live with you?) A little separation from Dave, but I think that might be inevitable at some point anyway with any of these choices.

Problem is....I've given myself so many options/possibilities that I can't even figure out what I'm doing.  My public health classes have given me a good idea of that world and Public Health education supplements a lot (oh yeah, could do M.D./M.P.H....go big or go home).  But I think along with the Dr., I need to shadow an orthotist/prosthetist.  I can really see myself doing a PhD, but I'd like to time it so I start right when I move somewhere, minimizing the time of separation for the family (they can take many many years).  And, so many areas that interest me!  I'm really interested in biomechanics....so I've also thought about combining my background with some engineering to do that.

I'm not afraid to be separated from Dave, and obviously we've done it before but 1) really not looking for TOO much of that and 2) I can't help but think about the possible kids that are in our future even if we aren't separated.  Maybe I'm trying to figure out too many details and need to "wing it" just a little more and have a little more faith. 

Well, I tried to sort through that and it still looks like a lot of jumble.  So many factors.  I would also like to add that Dave is willing to let me pick the base preferences, in the order that I choose.  So it's like he is letting me pick which jail cell I want to be in.  KIDDING.  He is very supportive.  I also feel fortunate to be able to take this journey and have the time to figure it out.  Not everyone is so lucky.

Meanwhile I wish Newton Running would schedule some Newton Natural Running certification clinics....3 days in Boulder, CO learning and becoming certified to teach running techniques with my new favorite (Newton) running shoes.....this is actually what excites me the most of all these options :)  Love that stuff.  Biomechanics!

All I do know is that I need more to thrive.  I need to figure out what that is for me specifically, and then hope I can thrive wherever the AF puts us :D

ARE YOU THRIVING?