Air Force Family

I really love to sit back and reflect on my life experiences, and especially my emotions and feelings about those experiences.  How did I become who I am today?  What has dictated who I have close relationships with, and what could I be doing better as a friend, a family member, a spouse, etc? Yes, I'm constantly thinking about this stuff.  I guess....because I want to be good at all of those roles.

Over the last few months I've really been evaluating why I've basically felt isolated, and, lonely pretty much.  As some know, I "struggled" with this last Christmas a little bit.  We hadn't been home for it in a few years (deployments, and then just not getting leave last year).  So, when I found out Dave couldn't get leave for Christmas, I was really upset.  Basically, I just wanted to spend Christmas with my Grandma.  And, all of my family.  Because life is just too short and it had been too long.  Well, we did end up getting to go home because Dave's Grandma was not doing well at the time.  Not great circumstances,  which made me feel kind of bad, but we got to go.  But every time we have not gone home, not been able to go home, or thought we weren't going to go home, we've had invitations to spend holidays with wonderful friends.  What more can I really ask for?

I chose a military lifestyle, "knowing" it wouldn't be easy (although sometimes reality is a little different).  When I left the AF, it didn't change much in terms of the lifestyle as Dave is still serving.  I admit....was kind of thinking "this sucks" for a few months. But, that was a shallow feeling.  Because I am very proud of him, and I know part of me wishes I had the experience he is having and that staying in was the right thing for me too (even though I still know it was not).  While I am still sorting through and reflecting on my AF experience from time to time, I have been reminded over and over that the AF has given us wonderful, WONDERFUL friends.  Through my experiences, through Dave's experiences and through our experiences.  It is true what people say.  It really is a family.

So, lonely, you say?

I often wish I was closer to all of my extended family.  Which I guess goes along with my desire to see them more often...holidays maybe? Not usually.  I think of them often, I follow them on FB, see all of them commenting on each others posts (sounds pathetic, but whatever), and pay attention....but it doesn't feel reciprocated.  I know selfless people "don't care" about reciprocation, but relationships are two way streets.  And there is nothing connecting us.  I'll be honest at this point, I just don't know how to make that happen (the closer part).  When we go home, we struggle just to see all our parents, siblings and grandparents as much as we would like.  Life is just the way it is.  And in our world, blood is just not always family.  At least in the sense of taking care of each other. 

Friends are the family you choose.  And recently I've been starting to feel like some of my friends (not just Air Force friends) are like angels.  No matter what happens or what I do, they are there.  They are honest.  They help me grow and give me confidence to go in the direction of my dreams.  They see the true me.  On the other side, I admire the types of friends and people they are and aspire to be more like them.  More caring.  More forgiving.  Less selfish.  As long as I keep working on these things, I'm going to stop being so hard on myself and always wondering what I'm doing wrong.  And just live and try to be better every day.

I felt especially grateful for the AF family (from all over the country) who checked up on me last night during the tornadoes.  It meant a lot, and I decided I'm going to start tracking the national weather so that I know when our loved ones (family and friends) are in danger.  I don't want to be oblivious.  Tornadoes are real.  Natural disasters are real.  Life happens and life is too short.  Just something to pay attention to that can mean a lot to people.  I now know that.  Oh and some of that blood family called too :D Oh, and grateful for Aimee too who thought it would be good to get together while the guys (our pilots) were gone and hang out with the dogs in the basement.  Excellent idea.  I don't normally panic too much, but I think I would have last night if I was by myself.

I am excited to move in the direction of health care and care for people in a different way, and hopefully be a part of something a little bigger than myself, just in a different and better capacity for me.  Who knows, maybe I will go back into the service one day in that different capacity.  I title this post "AF Family" because they are such a huge part of my life.  I am part of it in a different way now but will always have the friends the AF gave me (I always say the best thing they gave me).