Walking into the living room this morning holding a large container of peanut butter, my husband asks "Hey Breanne, all of the bread is moldy so do you mind if I just take this peanut butter to work and I will buy a loaf of bread before my flight.....?"
No. Not at all. I do not mind. Take all of the peanut butter.
Responds the worst wife ever.
My heart is clearly not in being solely responsible for the grocery shopping or providing for my hard-working husband. While I always strive to be better at this (and seriously I'm always at the grocery store), I am not into meal planning and sometimes I feel like I'm living like a college student who eats whatever is laying around. Ok maybe a healthier student....an apple here, a piece of cheese there, wine always. Or someone who doesn't have time because they work all day.
But I don't. I don't do that anymore. That is not my life. I *do* miss it.
And I fill my days with plenty of things, but meal planning like a grown-up is not one of them. I should be at the grocery store, getting everything we need. I feel guilty not being perfect at this. How have I not perfected this yet?!
It's amazing how much guilt I can feel for not being a perfect homemaker now that.....that is one of my primary duties.
But I liked it better when I had a different purpose and we could share responsibility for moldy bread.
Dave is the breadwinner. Should he not be responsible for the bread?!
Ok bad joke.
I know that I, and only I, can change the course of my life's work. It is up to me to gather the strength, take the risk, take a leap of faith and acknowledge (what I think is) the passion that has been screaming at me and making me perform so terribly as grocery shopper, among other things. I've been ignoring it for so long ("it"....the "passion" = coaching)
The moldy bread is just a reminder of how long. Sorry, Dave! I love you and am always grateful for the life you've given us and your willingness to eat *whatever* is available for lunch.
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